I’m dating this guy – John (31M) for 2 months now and I just introduced him to my friends for the first time last week. John is not the most sociable person but he has his own circle of friends, who I have met and they are a nice group of long time friends (10+ years). He’s also not working in the same field as me and my friends – think blue collar vs. White collar, so it might contribute to the different styles and mindset.
I took him to a daytrip with them. At some point I noticed he was talking nonstop about his own topic of interest, without much realization if the others cared for his topics. Sometimes they were talking and he interrupted them to add his part (which, honestly, I think didn’t contribute anything to the discussion). He also has this roundabout way of talking, as in when being asked something, it usually took the first 5 sentences of background before he addresses the main question. It made his speech long and hard to follow.
He also joked about the job choice of a member in the friend group. John himself was a university dropout – he studied History but soon realized he can’t make a career out of it, so he switched to do something else. When he found out the other friend was studying Philosophy, John joked about how a lot of Taxi drivers were once probably Philosophy students. My friend later told me he felt offended.
John also has a habit of adding curse words into all sentences that he speaks, and by listening to him talking with my friends, I realized they didn’t swear at all, only John did.
When we were eating at the restaurant, he dropped sauce on the table constantly because he is a careless eater, eating too fast, dipping too hard.
Therefore, I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed, because I myself can see that he doesn’t behave very well with my friends. I wouldn’t want my friends to think I’m dating a messy man. Since that day I’m feeling a bit more hesitating to pursue things with him and wonder if we’re a good match.
The reason why I’m hesitating and not outright ended the relationship is because he is very nice to me when there were only 2 of us, and though he still makes untasteful jokes here and there, I can see he really cares about me and doesn’t want to lose me. I myself also have been quite patient with him when he slipped his mouth and just tried to adjust him gently here and there, but I’m also conflicted that I shouldn’t be dating someone I have to “fix” so much to match with me. I also know, me ending the relationship will break his heart and he might think that he’s failing, or not good enough as a person.
Should I be more linient and give him more time to adjust (since this is only the first time he met my friends) or should I realize that differences in communication style is a deal breaker?