I’m a man (mid-40s) and have been married to my wife (mid-40s) for 20 years, together 25. I work with a divorced woman (Sara) of the same age, we’ve been colleagues for 15 years but become closer friends since COVID. I have a strong marriage with my wife. Other than my wife, Sara is probably my closest friend but that says a lot about my lack of close friends as I doubt Sara wouldn’t say the same about me.
It’s become clear to me that I have a crush on Sara. It’s developed over time but I’ve clearly idealize her in my head. The other day I thought she had a date (not sure why) and I was quite jealous which I realize is absurd. I think Sara likes me as a friend and respects me as a professional. I have no idea if she at all reciprocates the attraction though.
Thoughts on how to deal with this? I’m losing sleep at this point. My options:
Talk to my wife – she and Sara get along well when they see each other and I’m sure she’d understand. This is still a very hard thing for me to say to my wife, and I couldn’t practically cut off contact with Sara if she asked given work.
Talk to Sara – this seems like a bad idea. Either she doesn’t feel the same and it’s now awkward, or she does and I’m on my way to an affair.
Talk to someone else – I don’t have many other friends I could talk to about this but may talk to a therapist.
Decrease contact with Sara – basically just focus on direct work stuff. No gossip, no drinks, no venting about colleagues and no going to work social events together. This would probably work but she would notice and i would lose a close friend.
Focus on fact she’s unlikely to reciprocate my feelings – this helps somewhat as it pops the bubble of us having some fantasy life together.
Try to give myself an Ick with sara – Sara is pretty-ish but not in great shape and my wife is (to me at least) objectively more attractive. I’ve had some luck when with Sara focusing on an unattractive physical quality to try to put myself off of the attraction. Problem is when we separate I go back to idealizing her in my head. Also, the fact that she’s not out of my league (my wife really is) makes it seem a bit more realistic.
TL;DR – I’m married mid 40s man looking for advice on getting over crush on a coworker