This is a long story, but TLDR, I caught feelings for my straight friend half a year ago. There were some mixed signals then, and his lack of interest in dating anyone for years, made me think there might be a chance he’s not straight. I confessed to him a few months ago, but then he rejected me saying he’s not gay.
We’re still close friends, but he’s been really confusing lately.
A month after I confessed to him, he told all our friends that he wants to give dating a shot again. He went on his first date in 6+ years with a girl two months ago, but it seemed like the convo with them fizzled out.
Since he started using the apps, our interactions are pretty flirty. Lots of playful teasing and joking around. He’ll tease me and I’ll playfully punch him in return. Our banter is back and forth and lively, and when I started talking to guys online, I realized our banter is the way I flirt with dudes online. But I tend to initiate it a lot, except when he teases me and I hit him back. It just felt natural, and we get along really well and have a lot of natural chemistry, even if it’s just platonic.
Shortly after that, he made weird comments when me and the boys were together. The guys were grilling me on gay/gay sex/sexuality questions and he chimes in the convo for the only time and asks me if I’ve ever tasted cum before. He then continues to ask follow-up questions, like what it tastes like, if different guys taste different etc.
Then we had a house party and a group of us were taking pictures on the floor while buzzed. He sits behind me and reaches his arm over and puts it on the top of my chest. Then he slowly moves his hand down towards my pec and grabs the side of my boob and pulls himself closer. He’s never that intimate with other friends in that way.
At that party, we were playing a silly game where friends would slap my ass with my eyes closed and I’d have to guess who slapped me. People said he looked REALLY excited to do it and he slapped my ass REALLY hard.
People asked him how the dating life is going and he said he was slowing down, citing he has “self-improvement” to do.
When other people have asked him if he’s still dating, he’s said recently that he straight up stopped, saying how his house is really messy and that he needs to clean it up.
At dinner with some friends, we were talking about this double dating app where you and a friend go on a double date with two other friends. We were joking about how messy the date could be, like if you like your friend’s date more than your own. I joked that him and I should use the app because we’d stay in clear lanes (me with the guy, him with the girl) and he immediately goes “Imagine you go on the double date and realize that you’re gay.”
On a recent boys trip, a friend told me he said “I wish all the guys were gay. That way we could keep hanging out like this.” What I think he meant to say was “I wish all the guys were gay, that way we could all keep hanging out like this.” I think what he meant to say was “I wish all the guys were still single.” He’s largely insecure about how people perceive his sexuality, and I found it weird for him to freely say something like that all things considered.
Later that night, we were all walking around downtown drunk and he asks me for my vape. I joked “I see that’s what our friendship is. You’re a gay ally, and I offer you vapes,” and he looked kind of hurt by that comment. Later in the night, me and some bros were drunkenly saying sappy “ily bro” type of stuff to each other, and he goes “When you said all you’re good for is drugs, it really upset me. You know you’re more than that!”
His reaction threw me off. It’s clear to me that he cares a lot about the friendship, and the fact he brought up the joke again later that night probably meant it really bothered him. I’ve never seen him react this way with his other friends either. I get the feeling he might feel a little insecure about our friendship, because a few months ago he goes “I feel like I give you too much shit. I appreciate your friendship.” And I sarcastically go “No you don’t…..” He sounded worried and sincere in his tone that I was being serious and goes “What? You know I do.” At the club, my friend pulled him to sit on our laps and I wrapped my arm around him and he held onto my arm and we were sitting like that for maybe 30 seconds.
Recently, he wrote something on a notebook he didn’t want me to see, and I was in his space trying to see what he wrote. We were playfully tussling, when I tried to grab his notebook, he grabbed my hand to shoo it.
He’s a super skinny, introverted nerd type and likely has his own insecurities around dating. I feel like he’s not getting that much success on the apps. But he also has said or done things that make it very clear that he has a lot of insecurity around how other people perceive his sexuality. A friend told me a story when they first moved in together that their landlord thought they were a couple, and he was freaking out for awhile about that, saying to my friend “It’s fine for you because you have a GF. But I’m single.” What’s confusing is for a guy that is that insecure of how other people perceive his sexuality, he puts himself in situations that would make people scrutinize exactly that. And it’s not like he does gay stuff with confidence in a way that straight guys jokingly do.
I dont doubt that he’s attracted to girls. He talks about them in a way that he’s definitely physically and sexually attracted to them.
But his actions with me are really confusing, and even more-so after I confessed to him and he started dating girls. Friends have told me with the way we flirt, it’s very obvious that I still like him and it’s possible he’s aware that I do.
It’s confusing that he gets affectionate and almost flirty with me knowing that I have/had feelings for him. And it’s confusing that he enables my playful/flirty behavior knowing that I might still like him. And all this only really started after he started trying to go on dates with girls.
I felt the way he reacts to my jokes about my friendship really weird. To me it feels like he has a special emotional connection with me, to be that defensive of jokes that poke at our friendship. I’ve never seen him react like that with our other friends. A lot of people say we give off best friend vibes, and yeah we’re really good friends. I bought him a hat a few months back and he constantly wears it. But he’s actually really hot and cold in his communication with me. Some days it feels like we get along really well, and other days it feels like he doesn’t give me the light of day. It’s clear that we care about each other, but it’s so hot & cold at times that I feel insecure about the friendship myself at times.
I’m really confused, especially after how he reacted to my joke about my friendship being good for vapes. And the way we interact now after knowing the fact I had/have feelings for him.
Not sure if he just likes the attention, or if he’s confused himself about the friendship. I’m his first and only gay friend, but also the least to hold toxic masculinity of his guy friends. So idk. Idk if anyone’s been in a similar position where a straight friend has been giving off confusing signals AFTER knowing the gay guy likes him.
I’m terrified to talk to him about it, since I could be completely wrong and if he doesn’t think I still like him, I don’t want to complicate the friendship more than it already is.