i had sex with a guy last night. i could fill a novella with complaints about the way he behaved and the experience in general, but for now i want to focus on my physical health.
initially, he had me bent over the edge of the bed and was behind me. we were like that for probably (very rough estimate — i have the vaguest idea honestly) 3 minutes or so, and then i started feeling funny. my body started getting tingly and numb. i thought it might go away if i just relaxed into the bed, but it only got more intense. the best way i can describe the feeling is with the image of a body’s edges being eaten away by static that moves in, takes over, spreads throughout like a fungus. i felt it everywhere, but namely in my head, arms, and legs.
i *especially* felt it in my hands. i was a bit scared about what was happening to me and had to pull away and climbed onto the bed. i just stayed there for a bit, so confused, until i had to flop down on the bed because i felt so eugh. my hands were the worst. it was like i dipped them in cement. i couldn’t move my hands in a grabbing motion. i just blobbed there on the bed looking like a velociraptor, until the tingling went away after maybe 5 minutes (again, no idea), and he got back to it.
something in me told me it was the position, but i had no idea, and i was too afraid to ask to switch since this was apparently his favorite. i halfheartedly hinted toward kinda wanting to change the position, but he just put me in the same situation, this time with my knees on the bed instead of my feet on the floor. same thing happened, but worse. probably started happening sooner than last time. same song and dance — flopped on the bed, waiting for much a lot longer than last time to feel ok. this time, i was feeling a lot more anxiety. i felt it in my chest. my whole body was stiff, similar to my hands, but i think the stiffness was less of an out-of-my-control physical thing and more of a product of my panicking. maybe some combination.
at this point, he started pulling up his pants. he said, “if you didn’t want to have sex, you should’ve just told me.” i felt horrible. again, this isn’t about that. it’s about the physical stuff. but still, i have to get that off my chest. i know i shouldn’t feel bad, but i do.
i’ve been thinking on all possible reasons why this could’ve happened. here’s what i think is relevant;
* i’m very short and am a bit underweight.
* it was super late, i’d been out and about all day, and i was very tired.
* i’d done a lot of walking that day (20k steps or so), carrying a bunch of heavy bags.
* i hadn’t really eaten that day, and really haven’t been eating right for a hot minute.
* i’m anemic, but it’s not caused by iron deficiency (my iron levels are fine) — i carry/have a trait of a genetic blood disorder that causes me to have slightly smaller red blood cells than normal and essentially irreparable mild anemia. i was only recently diagnosed with this, so although this *sounds* like the most obvious culprit, i’m not so sure. i do sports at school, running around and exercising in triple digit temps, and have only comes close to fainting once when i didn’t drink enough water during the day.
* i usually have low potassium and recently haven’t been supplementing it as much as i should, but that never has an immediate effect.
* i’m an anxious person in general and have had panic attacks in the past, but the pattern is that they usually happen out of the blue for no apparent reason, never when i’m in active distress. they typically creep up when i’m thinking over stressful events.
* about a week ago, i suddenly stopped taking antidepressants that i’d been on for a few months. they didn’t have an effect on me at all though, and i don’t think i noticed anything different when i stopped.
* i finished up on my period. i never really have crazy period symptoms/weakness though.
any ideas on what could be causing this? anyone experienced something similar? what do i do from here?
it’s the morning after — my chest feels slightly hollow and my legs are so sore i can’t walk properly. i’m not getting any more tingling though.
i also didn’t get a fucking call from him like he promised, but again, that’s besides the point here.