I (26F) and my husband (29M) come from two different religions and cultures. Because of this, my family disowned me for choosing to marry him.
I wanted to get my religious side of the wedding done first, as it’s normally the easiest and smallest function to do. From the get go, there was little to no planning or preparation for it. None of his family took an interest in my religion or cultural traditions at the wedding, nor did they even care to help plan. Same from my own family’s side. Not getting much help from anyone, I just decided that I’d get a simple dress and do something not too fancily. Coming up the wedding, my family added a huge amount of pressure on me, which resulted in my halting the wedding because I didn’t want to get disowned by them. My husband hated this and said if I don’t move to his country and marry him, he’d never see me again. My mum however, ended up changing her mind about disowning me, and said that my husband should come here and do a formal wedding with the entire family invited so it doesn’t look like I’m running away (I’m south Asian so there’s a lot of drama involved). He disagreed, said it was too late for that and he wouldn’t do anything for me. And kept emphasizing how a church wedding is more important than the wedding ceremony I wanted first.
Feeling pressure from both ends, I just went ahead and married my husband and got disowned. I bought a cheap dress from the market, had an online ceremony that no one attended and so forth. His family didn’t even care to attend. Now he wants to plan a civil wedding and a church wedding, to which I burst out crying the other day that I felt like I was stripped from having the day that I wanted and dreamed of for him wanting his day and not mine. I told him I feel alienated from him family, even though we live near them for his sake, and that they often leave me out of stuff. I said I didn’t want to plan a wedding just yet, and if he wanted one badly he could just plan it with his mum and sisters and I’ll attend, as I’ll never get the wedding I dreamed of. That I can never hand down jewelry from that day nor my wedding dress.
I just can’t physically bring myself to start preparing for another wedding, even though it takes a lot of preparation for his day. Everyone is asking us when it’ll be and the whole situation makes me so miserable. Sorry for the rant, I have no one else to get this off my chest to.