This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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27 comments
I decided to cancel the second date with the guy who was really sex driven. We’re on different pages and I could never trust he wasn’t just there to fuck me.
Last night the fact tjaa was t im not emotionally intimate with anyone really hit me. I’m estranged from my family, not a lot of friends, I’m a therapist so I witness other peoples intimacy—but no one sees mine. So that’s very sad.
I wish the subset of “liberal” women who still exclude bi men from their dating pool would disclose their bigoted preferences up front.
Like they espouse liberal values, they post their performative black square and they have their group chats full of the girls and the gays, but privately they demand rigid adherence to homophobic and reductive low-res renderings of masculinity.
Like these two thoughts seem to exist simultaneously with zero self-reflection:
– “I require men to constantly perform the lowest common denominator archetypal masculinity and if a crack ever shows in that mask i’m simply incapable of respecting or loving them”
– “why are men so high strung and violent lol”
I swear every “ick” list just reads as a list of what would get a man called gay in the 90s. We’re each entitled to our preferences but the hypocrisy of this one stings fresh every time.
33f. I’ve been seeing him for 2 months (12 + meet ups, comms everyday – both initiating). I told him on date 3 that I’d never had a serious relationship. It’s obviously not something I’m thrilled about but it is what it is. We have a great connection and I like him, he says he likes me but he’s brought up his concerns about my lack of experience a few times and mentioned this could be going slower but he never actions that observation.
He said this week he feels pressure to ‘pop my bf cherry’ and I can feel him holding back. I’m not trying to pressure him, I truly am just being myself, and all of this is exciting and new for me. It’s like a catch 22. No experience, no job but no job, no experience lol. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do? Retreat? End it and find someone who doesn’t think its sooo bizaar? I don’t want this held over my head.
I have a good man friend who just moved in with his gf of 6 months (40f and this is her first serious relationship). He gives zero shits that she has no prior experience and he respects her reasons.
There’s no way Match is as successful as it says it it. Yikes
Another first date, another polite “You are very nice, but we’re not a good match.” 🙁
Sucks. Although to be fair I’ve not been super into any of them either, but it’s weird because we’ll have a good time, and it seems I’m being a good date? I have another first date tomorrow but I think I’m just gonna call it quits after that lol. It’s only been two weeks of me trying on the apps, already 4 dates with nice ladies, but it’s just disappointing. I would even legit just be friends with them, no dating intentions whatsoever. I think maybe I give off platonic and not romantic vibes?
dated 7 girls in under 4 months. Didn’t ‘click’ with anyone, except two: one had to move to another state for work, and the other is semi-ghosting me, heart reacts and takes a million years to reply. I’m done for at least a month, I’m exhausted.
/rant
Dating my very mentally sane but neurodivergent partner has made me go from thinking “fuck therapy I don’t want to pay someone to tell me to keep a stable sleep routine and remember to eat meals” to “hmm I should really see a therapist to learn how to deal with stress”.
Girl I’m seeing (3rd date) is very open and enthusiastic in person, but not a great texter. That’s fine, not everyone is glued to devices. It’s a little hard to set up dates, though, since I often don’t hear back for a while. I’m going to be busy next week with work and I just hope the energy maintains when we don’t get a chance to see each other for a couple weeks.
I’ll see if she’s down for phone or video calls. English also isn’t her first language so she may just not like chatting by text.
Women who are on birth control – In the beginning stages of seeing/hooking up with someone is it ok to omit this info? I worry sometimes that it’ll encourage men to not use protection, or sometimes even allow me to get sloppy and not use it (feeling like I have a good backup option). I just don’t want to ever be put in a situation where is a guy is trying to push no condoms on me, and then getting uncomfortable and allowing it or something.
For the record I’ve never lied when anyone has asked me, but if not asked I also won’t bring it up (until we’re serious/exclusive). Just wondering what other women do
For those who had a break from dating apps and then went back – did you find different results when you went back to them?
Heard stories of profiles being nerfed and massively reducing their exposure to other people on the apps when you delete and re-download.
Great, we were gonna get busy tomorrow after a couple weeks of no sex and my . just started 🥲 it’s always something….
Going into the long weekend feeling positive ❤️ good things on my horizon. Feeling free and light.
it’s really nice to have met someone who is really interested in spending time together, complimenting me a lot, planning a trip together. it’s fun, this is the fun part.
Ended things last night with the woman I’ve been seeing since October. I started the conversation, but it ended up being the most mutual breakup I’ve ever experienced. We both agreed that by this point we’d normally have stronger feelings and it was unlikely those feelings were going to develop.
Even though I’m completely fine with it all, I think I really need to resist jumping right back into the apps.
Went on a date last night after a really bad day at work. I realized this morning that it’s hard to be fun and engaging when you have work stuff on your mind. I think the date went well, but I feel like it ended on a down note. Could just be overthinking it.
Anyways, I hope you beautiful people have a great weekend!
Rant:
For the love of god, women, stop asking men for favors on the first date. Especially in their respective fields, it’s not endearing. First date, had a woman ask me for a ride that weekend, then another ask me to do a renovation (I do construction). I am not your handyman, nor your taxi driver. This isn’t attractive and on the first date or first few just makes you look like you’re trying to get something out of us. If we are in a relationship or later in the dating stage by all means my pleasure, but not so early. We are there to see if we are good match/have some sort of connection. If you do this so early it sets the stage and shows that you just want a man that’s a doormat and will do your bidding. I’m not asking you to come and cook and clean for me just because you are a woman, have the same respect. Rant over thank you
Crush guy and I seem to be doing okay! We had a lovely night joking around, eating, and gaming. It was the first work night he stayed over and we did make him a smidge late for work 😅 but he left some of his things here! And said he likes staying at my place.
I’m still not 100% sure if we’re serious or casual. I know we’re exclusive. We just hit two months. He does talk about the future sometimes like meeting his mom or his brother. I think I’m just going to go with the flow and enjoy this for a while longer. We will see how my birthday goes in a month.
Guy I’ve been seeing came over yesterday and came to my hockey game and I got a sweet goal right in front of him hahaha! Was a bit of a shit show game otherwise but dang did that ever feel good lol we had a really nice couch cuddle after and he sent me a really nice text again when he got home. He really encourages the best from me (family-wise, mentality, etc). I’m not sure I’ll see him this weekend with our conflicting schedules, but that’s OK, something will work out soon I’m sure.
I mentioned one of my friends on here a couple times, she’s been super negative and has been kind of hard to be around/talk to. It’s kind of coming to a head and I just don’t want to deal with it. She wants to have a phone call this evening and I just really don’t want to. I have plans to take my dog for a nice long walk while listening to a podcast, then getting ready and going out to a surprise bday party, and i dont want to delay/impact either of those plans for this. She’s already being very defensive and accusatory via text, this just isn’t a conversation I want to have today. Is that fair?! I feel like a mean friend by not wanting to deal with it right now but she’s just been so draining.
I’m actually pleasantly chatting with 3 different people that are all interesting and seem interested! Is this that summer OLD boost I’ve heard about?! If so, I’m here for it.
I went out with this guy last night, we had worked together like 10 years ago but saw each other on Hinge and ended up matching. I was looking forward to reconnecting with him either as friends or a potential date but when he showed up I was kind of disappointed and not sure if this is an expectation thing or what?
We went to a semi-nice cocktail bar and I dressed in date attire (not too fancy but picked a cute outfit, did my makeup/hair etc). He showed up in an ill-fitting t-shirt that he looked like he had for 15 years, baseball cap, scruffy face, hair all a mess under the cap. He was quite flirty like winking and touching me so it seemed like he knew this was date territory, and that’s how he presents himself? He also admitted he couldn’t really afford the cocktails (they were like $11-13ish a drink, but he picked the place!) and I ended up buying a couple drinks for him because he kept talking about how broke he is. I know I didn’t have to do that but I get times are tough right now and I have a good income so I offered. Most of our conversation turned into me asking him questions, him responding in great detail, asking me nothing about myself and then waiting for me to ask him more things.
He’s a nice guy and I’m not trying to be a hater but damn, this guy is 42 and at the end he’s like “this was SO fun I’d love to hang out with you more”. I’m like, was it fun? I guess you got to put no effort in, get most of your drinks bought, and talk about yourself all night. Ugh. I’m down to be friends with him but yeah, no romantic connection for me and his complete lack of effort was pretty off-putting. Oh well. On to the next.
I found out that my ex was cheating on me with two other girls. I don’t care if he doesn’t return to me because I have moved on from him, but why do I feel guilty that his relationship with any of the two girls got destroyed because of what I did? I contacted both girls and found out that I’m the second of three girls. Is it normal to feel bad because I feel like I broke relationships?
After a couple of bad relationships, I took a break and am now back in the scene. And I met a wonderful woman. I don’t know where it’s going and there’s certainly obstacles to overcome, but she’s lovely, the sex is fantastic, and we’re at similar points in our emotional growth. It’s been a breath of fresh air.
So I messed up and decided to give hot gym guy another chance. Come to find out he did not show for our last week’s plans because of a family thing. He seemed genuinely apologetic and even mentioned that he completely blew and it understood that I probably did not want to pursue anything. We chatted at the gym and I offered to get coffee again to clear a few things up. I let him know that it still really sucked to be sitting around and never got any explanation for 3 days about what happened.
Unfortunately I failed to make plans right then and there and now I’m in limbo again. I texted him very early this morning and nothing. It’s like last weekend all over again. I finally sent a text asking what his interest level in me was because I am having a really hard time gauging it. My heart is tied in a tight knot waiting for a reply. I definitely cried haha! Probably not necessary but I really liked this guy and the tears came anyway.
Now I have to make a decision whether or not I want to pursue this. As of right now, the hurt is outweighing the excitement and I’m having way too many questions about why he tends to fall off the map every weekend, and reappear when the week starts.
I feel so much less stressed now that I deleted hinge.
I am agreeing more to stuff and summer is hitting the ground running.
I’m working through some insecurities with being older and therefore unworthy in therapy. I think it stemmed a lot from being in situationships back to back. I’m hoping the break will help (with therapy)
8th date with cute 34m with the dog. We went to trivia with two of my friends at a dog bar. It was fun. My friends liked him. He’s affectionate and so sweet. I had a little liquid courage so asked him what he thought about me not wanting to see other people. He said that he wasn’t seeing any other people, but that he wasn’t in a rush and that we can take things slow. Not sure what to make of that part, but I told him I wanted this to eventually turn into a long term relationship and that if there’s a point he couldn’t see that with me, I need him to tell me so I don’t get more attached to him. He said he could absolutely do that, but he said he really liked how things are going and he really likes me and spending time with me. Went back and had sex for the second time, it’s getting better and better. I love the way he looks at me. He’s driving me to the airport tonight for my trip.
Dating a coworker on the same team as you is a no-no right?? I need randoms to knock some sense into me
A girl I had been exchanging text messages with this week had to cancel our date for tomorrow but suggested alternative times instead. Initially, I felt like she might be blowing me off, but I was relieved and pleased when she quickly apologized and offered other options for meeting. So, we’re now planning to have brunch together instead of a late lunch. Wish me luck!