Wish wife was more adventurous

My wife (41) and I (45) have a good sex life. We have kids, so it's not everyday, but we get it when we can. But I think we would do it a lot more if she initiated sex more. It seems like I always initiate sex. And it is monotonous. It's either missionary or doggy. She has a toy, and it always comes out, but still, same old thing. I like to try and switch it up, but she never suggests or wants. I love giving her oral, but she only returns the favor if I ask. She says I can always ask, but I want her to want it. We have been married for so long, doesn't she just want to fuck and cum. Can't she tell me she is horny. She says she masturbates, but not that often. Why not…or is she hiding it. I don't care, and I tell her I have to or I can't relax, it keeps me from sleeping if I get too horny without release. And forget about anal…which is fine, but it seems like it's a closed subject. I can't even toss her salad, which I say won't hurt and may feel good and I am not looking for more and don't want to involve pain only pure pleasure. She seems embarrassed. How can I get her to open up?