This is a pretty nuanced situation and I’m not sure what feedback I’ll get, but screw it.
I had a crush on one of my current friends back in early high school. I asked her out a few times and I was eventually politely ignored/rejected. We moved past it and despite this became really good friends. We kept up over the years through college, later holding our own long term relationships and even supported each other when said relationships ended. I would say we’ve been comfortably platonic for almost a decade now. We both invite each other to things and initiate convos of about equal measure, so this isn’t one sided. Old feelings have never really come up again.
Cut to the last few years. I go to grad school in a different city and she still lives in my hometown, so whenever our paths cross I’ll typically find time to swing by. She hosts a shit-ton of people at her place on a regular basis, so it’s more like I’m dropping in on group-setting party nights. We also have separate friend groups that have gradually intermingled over the last few years, so when I pull through I’m also seeing them. (Of note, in recent years our groups have had a lot of infighting, usually involving a lot of gossip/rumors/guys and girls trying to fuck each other and predictably going poorly. It’s been a bit of a running joke and I’ve done a solid job staying out of any drama.)
Anyway, recently one of our mutual friends recently informed me that she has told people (not recently but at least in the last year) that I still have a crush on her, or believes that I do. We’ve never really talked about this outside of the rare jest, so the fact she’s talked about it in group settings with my own friends (in a gossipy and what I assume negative way, according to how my friend alluded) really bothers me. It makes me think that she believes I’m only coming over for reasons that I can assume are very “nice guy” esque. I want to say she values me as a friend and I’m not just imagining that. But if she tells other people about this so openly puts me in an uncomfortable spot.
Now, full disclosure. She was my high school crush, so for me to say that feelings have never come back up at any point over the years would be a lie. However, I value her first and foremost as a friend and would never compromise it. I’ve never acted on said feelings, and I have no interest in her as a romantic partner for a litany of personal reasons. But the fact that this is how she sees me has really made me reexamine our friendship over the years. If she sees me this way and always has, I’d feel awkward continuing to come to group events or even talk to her. She has a boyfriend (who is great) and I’ve been single for a while, so I can only imagine how that looks when I come over, or how weird it would be for them.
It’s such a weird non-issue because apparently this was brought a while ago and I’ve never noticed any difference in how I was treated, but doing nothing at all after hearing this feels wrong. I feel like addressing this in any manner puts me at risk of losing the friendship, but sitting on it doesn’t feel right either.
TLDR: I became friends with my high school crush. After ten years, she told mutual friends that she thinks I still have a crush on her and is the reason I still talk to her/hang out with her group.