Hey everyone,
I'm a 21-year-old woman, and my boyfriend (22) and I have been together for four years. Recently, we attended a family wedding in Germany. We took his car, and my parents came along too. My boyfriend told his parents he was going to a wedding but didn’t mention it was in Germany (we live in Belgium, so it’s just across the border). His mom was already upset that he took a day off work, so he didn’t want to make it worse by mentioning the international part.
While we were in Germany, his parents found out and got really mad at him for not telling the whole truth. They bombarded him with texts about being dishonest and irresponsible. My boyfriend had a great time at the wedding, but the constant messages from his parents really stressed him out.
Now his parents are accusing my parents of being entitled and narcissistic for not informing them or seeking their confirmation. They claim my parents are not normal and that something is off about my family. My parents didn’t see the need to inform his parents because my boyfriend is an adult (not a minor) with a job and a car, capable of making his own decisions. They also covered all the trip expenses, even though my boyfriend has a job; parking, gas, hotel, food, and activities.
My boyfriend has tried talking to his parents, but his mom just breaks down in tears, saying she’s worried about him and continues to criticize my parents. This isn’t the first time his parents have lashed out. They were previously upset about me borrowing his clothes and claimed that I spend too much time with him, suggesting unhealthy boundaries.
He has confronted them in person about this behavior, but his parents are old-fashioned and hard to convince. They are not willing to listen to anyone else’s point of view because they believe they are always right.
What's really frustrating is that his parents only get mad when he does things with me. If he goes out late or crosses borders on his own or with friends, they don’t say anything. But if it’s with me, his mom describes it over text as if I’m misusing him and that he has no right to speak.
My parents like having my boyfriend around. He’s like a second son to my mom. Before he got his job and was still studying, my parents provided him with a lot of support and treated him like family. They genuinely care about him and his well-being.
I feel like his parents don’t want me to be part of his future. They act fake and sweet to my face but say horrible things behind my back. Attending this wedding was significant because it was about introducing him to my family and welcoming him into our lives.
I’m really at a loss. My boyfriend and I are both adults, but his parents treat us like children. How do I navigate this without causing more drama? Has anyone dealt with similar issues? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance!