My 27F wife 28F and I have been together for four years. And to sum up those four years: We have an amazing relationship, she is everything to me, and she has always made me feel the same.
It’s important to note, my wife had a tough childhood and sharing her feelings is incredibly hard for her. At the beginning of our marriage she would stonewall and shut down completely. It was almost like her brain couldn’t not physically process what emotions are.
When we met, she had gotten out of a 5 yr mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship just 6 months earlier. I know the abuse was two sided, and they were truly unkind to each other. They essentially broke up one day, my wife got on a plane and that was the end of it. I’ve always known about this ex and she’s always been open with me regarding their relationship and her faults in it. She has my trust 100%.
So fast forward, my wife and I get married, we buy a house, and we recently have started talking about starting our family together. A few nights ago she started crying and told me she needed to talk to me, and it’s really hard to say and really embarrassing. So we sit down and she says “the entire time we have been together I feel like I’ve been on this cycle where I am the absolute happiest of my life then I get these feelings when I think about my past relationship and I miss the adventures, and I feel sad for that relationship ending. I feel so guilty for feeling these things because you are so perfect and you love me so much and so well. I’ve never done anything or acted on anything, I just feel like I have never grieved the loss of that relationship. I just don’t have closure from it and it’s starting to affect my mental health”. I feel shocked because this is my first time hearing this, so I tell her she definitely needs to go back to therapy. But I just feel crushed and so scared for our relationship. I’m so afraid to lose her. I don’t even know what to say. I want to support her through everything by I’m not sure what that even looks like. Their relationship was so toxic, and ours is so safe and loving. I’m at a loss. Any advice on what I should do or be prepared for? What does closure in this situation really look like?