First, some background…I have been “managing” my MIL medications for over 10 years now and 2 years ago quit my job and started taking care of her full-time. She is 79 years old, has COPD and HBP. She’s been diagnosed with “apathy”. She does not always cooperate with her care and makes taking care of her very difficult. She is fully dependent on others to cook her food, do household chores and take care of her. She has strength in her legs, but refuses to walk. All of the therapists and physicians say so. She stays in bed 23 hours a day. I am with her 6 days a week, I manage other helpers that come in for 4 hour shifts 3 days a week.
Present situation: I arrived to her home last night and her husband (who travels out of the country every few months for work, for at least a month or two) had her sitting up with him. I went to tidy her bed and saw soiled underpads. My husband asked if she needed a change and she said she "guess(ed) I do…". She had urinated and defecated on herself and was just sitting in it. Her husband didn’t see this, according to him, and she knew what happened, but didn’t tell him. He’s toileted/changed her before, so I’m not thinking it’s embarrassment. This is not the first time she’s had an accident and did not tell her husband.
I was pretty upset and got her changed and cleaned up, but her husband and my husband said I had a “tone” when talking to them.
I just was told by my husband that I “shouldn’t pursue this kind of field unless you’re ready for all the shit, both literally and figuratively.” I have worked in a healthcare job for 17 years. I’ve tried to explain that it’s not the job, she makes things difficult. She refuses to stand up for changes, refuses showers/bathing at times, doesn’t move/hydrate/eat properly and then complains that she’s unwell. My SILs (they live out of state) have dealt with her too and tell me they get it. They get frustrated, too. They are here maybe every 3 months for about a week or two. He insinuated that my dissatisfaction for doing this is more about me because “you’ve never been happy in a job since I’ve known you.”
My FIL and husband make excuses stating she can’t help her behaviors or that “she’s always been this way.”
I am disgusted that my husband does not back me up on this. I want to walk away from this entire situation and let them figure it out.
Am I in the wrong for feeling insulted and angry about this? Or do I just accept things for what they are?