Tl;dr Love is terrifying. I felt my whole world shatter when I called my boyfriend and a police officer answered to tell me that he was caught in a buy bust operation and is locked in jail. I felt my whole body go numb and cried and cried while trying to contact his closest friends and family asking for help. Knowing he deals with illegal goods, I had very limited people to contact and ask for help. I felt useless while trying to ask for help cause that was all that I can do, I wasn't allowed to visit him because my parents would not allow me to have a boyfriend, let alone visit him in jail. I kept imagining his situation, how he was, what will happen to him, how to help, what I'll do to help when he finally gets out, all at the same time. I was helpless, I couldn't breathe, I kept feeling this sharp heavy pain piercing through my chest, my hands, my back.
He is my whole world. We have no problems in our relationship, we love each other deeply, it's just that he is struggling financially. I plan on marrying him, I've done things to help him get out of that lifestyle. I helped find him a job, helped him in school. I've done everything. I adore him like he is my own child, so imagine the piercing pain it felt when I got the news that he was in jail.
Idk what to do. I want to help, but was advised not to intervene. I want to make him feel okay, I want to give him hope, but I have no way to communicate with him. I also don't know what words to say to make him okay. I know nothing, I need to help him. I don't know what to think anymore. I can't stop thinking, my hands feel painful.
I'll be waiting for him, even if it takes months or years, I'll help his family, I love him unlike anything and selfishly I want him to love me still when he finally gets out. I don't know what to when gets out and doesn't love me anymore.