This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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24 comments
been off apps for months wanting to meet someone in person; guy finally hit on me at the gym (so i thought) and i was really excited about it
today he dropped the “girlfriend” word in convo and i cried in the bathroom bc i felt like an idiot for thinking it could have been anything
i know it’s silly but it just made me feel so stupid and hopeless and embarrassed for thinking anything
probably should feel good abt it but i’m flying again and getting done at the united check in when a girl with brown hair n a pink sweater on was looking right in to my eyes when i looked up so i looked right back at her n she held it and as i walked by she looked my way and i looked back tho we didn’t make EC again.
i guess it’s things like this that make dating so frustrating for me as a guy bc some or most women are repulsed by you yet some youre their cup of tea and you never know when or by who. i just wish there was a way to stay in touch with this girl without making it uncomfortable since she was with what looked like some family.
I’m single and thus no one’s favorite person. Statistically, most (if not all) of my single friends will find someone within the next few years, as we’re all entering our 30s, and then I’ll be all alone. And no matter how good I feel spending time with someone, they’ll go back to their partner and forget all about me.
And finding someone is hard because my personality is just not suitable. I am a good friend, but not that much of an exciting partner. I can’t be 100% stable all the time and I have needs and things one might have to accept about me, too. And I can’t afford to fail. Theoretically, I’d have to find new friends where I’m a blank slate because I let everyone see my weak and vulnerable side during my breakup. And I didn’t always have it all together, I was far from impressive.
I don’t know how to be so I can find love again. To live a good life again. I’m professionally well-set, I make good money, and have a lot of things going for me. But apparently, I’m just not truly lovable. Hopefully therapy’s gonna help with that.
First date with suburb girl went pretty well! We both had a good time and she wants a second date. She’s smart, strong, owns a house and her own clinical practice, and gorgeous — another in the recent string of dates looking better than their photos. I appreciated a couple of moments when she remarked on ways it seems our goals align.
A Hinge message popped up on her phone a few minutes into the date, so here’s your semi-regular reminder not to leave your phone face-up right in front of the other person on your dates, folks.
I wouldn’t say it was a very high-chemistry date, but I’ve more or less given up on trying to feel or create chemistry early on and just focused on having a quality conversation and making her laugh when I could.
Does it bother anyone else when people say, “don’t worry, x% of marriages end in divorce anyways,” when you express to them that you feel ‘left behind’ still being single? A lot of my close friends have spent their 20’s in a ltr and now married to that same partner whereas my 20’s were a mix of relationships and situationships. I want a stable partner I just haven’t found it yet and when people say that to me it isn’t very helpful. So what if their marriage could end in a few years, they still got to spend many wonderful years together. Am I not seeing something?
You know what annoys me-when people don’t get the hint. Or if they do but they still want to press info and you just want to protect your peace.
And I’m not just talking about dating either. Like if you don’t want to (or actually can’t due to various reasons) carry out a conversation they keep pushing it. (And don’t worry I’ve been working on setting boundaries with my therapist. Years of being a people pleaser takes time to deconstruct).
Recently reconnected with someone from college on social media. Didn’t mind the initial hey what’s up how are you. But almost every day for three weeks they have been messaging me. Almost every day. I try to politely say good morning or have a good day or just been busy hope all is well and they aren’t getting the hint that I don’t want to tell them every detail or even remotely what I do in a day. Like I have enough bs in my own life, glad we reconnected but leave me alone. (And maybe if you wanted to reconnect in a different way idk maybe ask me? Or say more than a greeting every day?)
On the plus side? I’m glad I’ve been limiting exactly what I’m sharing in social media (have been for a while now compared to even a year ago which was already about 6 months into limiting what I post). And I’m so glad to see so many people I grew up with doing the same. If I ever find a partner, I’m going to be super private about it until I want people to know.
Tattoo guy really fucked with my confidence and now I’m worried all future dates will have the same criticisms lol fun
Also, I’m so tired of men just wanting sex…that’s what it always seems to boil down to. I just want a companion to be emotionally close to…and to fuck. Why is this so hard!
I feel so ashamed and frustrated that I wasn’t able to emotionally connect. I made him a birthday cake for our 8th date, but was too nervous to put the candles on it or light it for him! His friends even said, “get in there!” Meaning I should be doing the little kind act of setting his candles up.
But my brain got scared and went into freeze mode. 😞
Met a girl on hinge. We met up for a pretty simple first date. We just walked and talked in a park. After the date, I told her it was nice. I decided to told myself to not get my hopes up though.
She texts me the following days to set up a second date. I was pretty happy. We went to a bar and talked all night until closing. The chemistry was amazing. We kissed, I walked her back home, but I did not sleep over since we both worked early the next day. Although we both wanted for the night to keep going.
We set up a third date a week later. I go to her place, I cook for her and we have a lot of fun. Talking with her was easy. We get intimate and I slept over. She wasn’t a big texter, but the following week, her responses were more spaced than usual. She went on a trip for her job and before she went I asked her if we could arrange something to see each other when she gets back. She responded immediatly and enthousiastically.
Finally, she gets back from her trip, no news. I text her simply to know how it went a few days later. She answered me 2 days later and told me that she was not feeling completly available to date now… so, I guess that’s it
I should have kept my hopes down for a bit longer because it did sting a bit.
So I’ve been dating a girl for 3 months, we’re exclusive and at the stage where we’re comfortable calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Only catch is that we haven’t had sex yet. I’m separated just beginning process of divorce and she’s told me she’s not comfortable having sex until I’m legally divorced.
I’ve had a lot of casual sex since I was separated, realized that its not all I want, she’s an amazing person and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated so I told her I’m okay waiting if she is. We’re very comfortable with each other, do have some nice makeout sessions, and have had sleep overs together.
I confided this to a friend of mine who says this is doomed to fail. I disagree because we’re building a foundation and sex can get better if there’s not initial chemistry the first time we sleep together. Thoughts?
Back on Hinge and have not had a single match. It’s so discouraging. I have a massive crush on someone I volunteer with, but have convinced myself he wouldn’t be interested in me, so I’ve done nothing about it. I hate that dating makes me feel like an insecure 13 year old girl.
I spent Saturday and Sunday with a woman I really like. I guess this was date number four. The weekend went really well. We had a nice dinner, snuggled on her couch and watched a movie, she made me breakfast, went hiking, and I met her neighbors (who she is very close to). We also slept together a few times. We both confirmed that we aren’t dating other people (which made me feel great). She didn’t want to put a label on our relationship (which I’m fine with) and expressed concern over getting hurt again (we’re both getting divorced, and she has a kid). I generally don’t have an anxious attachment style, but I do with her for some reason. The last couple of days, she’s only texted me once each day and has not been very responsive. I think it’s a bit odd considering the weekend we had. I’m going to call her later, and I’m hoping everything is ok.
This is more of a rant- I’ve been dating my BF for almost a year. Some ppl may not agree with me, but I choose not to deal with exes (mine or partner’s), so I take it into serious consideration if there are ongoing friendships with former partners. At around 4 month mark, I met a female friend of his who upon being introduced to me, didn’t even acknowledge me. I didn’t know what was going on so I let it be, but I didn’t get a great impression of her. Later I find out that she and my bf used to date for 6 months a few years ago. I addressed this with my bf, that I wish I had been given the heads up because he knew one of my dealbreakers was continuing connection with exes. I let him describe the nature of their relationship now, and BF said that the only interaction they have is around football , as they play together in the same team. While I expressed to him that I’m uncomfortable with the ongoing friendship especially because of the way she didn’t acknowledge me, but I was convinced that the friendship is not meaningful outside of a specific context, so I let it slide and chose not to be bothered with it too much.
This past weekend, BF was showing me pictures from his trip with his childhood friends (different circle than football), and I asked to see a group pic bc I was curious about the friend group that I’d never met before. He showed me, and there was a familiar face I didn’t expect to see- my BF’s ex. This trip was planned a whole year ago, and he has actively planned the trip throughout our time together. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t think to let me know that she would be a part of the trip. I would have been fine with the heads up, but the fact that he knew this was a whole discussion and I was uncomfortable with the situation, and he didn’t care to tell me they had a trip together really hurt me. I felt like he minimized the context of their relationship because he didn’t want to have to make any decisions around boundaries that he didn’t want to. According to him, it simply didn’t occur to him to tell me because he thought of it as so insignificant. Yes- they only dated 6 months and whatever, but regardless of how meaningful their romantic relationship was, I think I had valid reasons to feel uncomfortable, and he could have been more thoughtful of my feelings. I feel like this incident inclusive, he keeps putting me in situations where I’m feeling caught off guard, then I have to adjust myself to the decisions that he made on his own out of his own convenience.
Has anyone actually met their SO or an ex in a library/bookstore? Asking for research purposes…
Matched with a guy on bumble that I was too nervous to like on hinge a while back. I sent a message asking about one of his pictured hobbies, but now there’s only 2 hours left for him to respond. I know there are many reasons he might not respond, but he is so my type and I had gotten a little too excited.
Do expired matches show up again when you are swiping? Would you swipe right again on someone who didn’t answer after a match?
Met someone for a pre-hookup vibe check last night. I knew in about 2 minutes that I would be leaving alone but it took me 45 minutes to escape, and:
– We went to a beer bar by mine that I love for the vibes and the super knowledgeable staff. Guy got up to order a second drink and started complaining to the owner about how his first drink had been too foamy (he had a Pils, and I know they imported special equipment from Czechia to pour it correctly). Was firmly shut down.
– I mentioned a doughnut shop nearby that’s known for having lots of unique toppings and giant sizes. This man looked me in the eye and told me something you couldn’t torture out of me: that he’d “spent like a year” leaving comments on their Instagram complaining about how they didn’t have enough “plain” options. He doesn’t even live here anymore! Just absolute psycho nonsense.
I don’t think he was finished saying the doughnut thing before I was on my feet telling him that “I think it’s actually time for me to head out”. Good god.
Three reasons why I (30M) am hopeful about my dating future:
-I plan on moving to a new city soon, which will expand my social opportunities.
-I’ve spent years “working on myself” (as cliche as that sounds), & my life is good either way. So when someone sees that I’m happy & chilling, they’re gonna want a piece of that too.
-I’m completely out of fucks to give at this point in my life. Which will, ironically, make me feel more loose / relaxed and more like my natural self.
Went on a date the other night. First one since my break up last year. Was nervous, as per the usual. Felt insecure with my body but I didn’t let it stop me. I’m glad I went. He was nice enough. I think he could be a possible friend in the future.
I’ve never been so nervous for a first date as I am for the one I’ve got today. It’s not just that I’m attracted/interested in the guy (I am) but it’s been a really long time since I’ve had a date and I feel very out of practise.
Please wish me luck! Fingers crossed it goes well!
I talked to the woman I’m dating about how I’m feeling about what she revealed to me a few days ago, that she’s still texting a guy she was having sex with soon before she met me. They’d been meeting just to have sex and weren’t otherwise friends, and didn’t hang out outside of sex.
She understood why I’d feel uncomfortable. She thought my request to set a boundary with him about discussing our relationship was reasonable. We’re both grateful we can talk through and navigate things like this.
There’s a lot I still can’t make sense of, especially about the importance of this connection to her. She minimized it during the conversation, but her actions say something very different. It’s really clear she still wants him in her life, which just doesn’t fit with the other things she’s said. I’m still having difficulty understanding why she feels so strongly about keeping this connection, and whether it could be as she said — simply that this guy is nice, and she likes seeing his band play. If the positions were reversed, I wouldn’t find it difficult to pull back from that connection, especially given that it was formed for the purpose of having sex, and revolved around sex, unless there were a strong connection otherwise.
In my mind, it makes things worse that their connection apparently /grew/ after she had initially blocked him, which means it was after we had become exclusive. Just from the tone of her voice when she talks about him, and how she says how he is great, I know this is a risk to our relationship. She has a legitimate connection with another man she has recently had sex with.
Until I can make sense of this, I feel foolish being as invested as I am in this relationship. I’m sensing this gap in understanding her is slightly eroding my trust in her, and I feel myself wanting to pull back in various ways, but I don’t see the conversation progressing any more right now. I want to give her time to let her feelings settle on this and only revisit this deliberately and purposefully, and do my best to manage my feelings on my own about this in the meantime.
I expect things to be tenuous between us for the next month. I think she’ll essentially be evaluating my behavior against whatever she gets from this other guy. It’ll be important for me to be level-headed and keep a lid on things, and try to grow trust between us rather than follow my instinct to pull back. Earlier this morning I had the urge to cancel plans we have tonight. That kind of thing would only make things worse. I don’t know what I’ll do when the time comes that she plans to see him play in concert. I’ll have to decide whether to go with her, which she seems to prefer, or have her go alone. Both seem awful in their own ways.
I’m trying to remind myself that no relationship is perfect and without turbulence, and how we handle this can set the tone for how we handle things in the future. I’m trying my best to bias towards trusting and not letting my own neuroses get in the way of a good thing.
Curious question…in the past few months I’ve had a few guys (who were interested in me) ask me genuinely, “So what is it like dating as an attractive woman?”
It always comes from men who are attractive themselves and who are interested in me (though not necessarily looking for a relationship with me). Why would they ask this?! This question is different from something like, “What are you looking for from dating?” and I don’t get it.
Are they asking because they genuinely are curious (even though they are attractive and probably have a similar experience to me with dating)? Or they’re worried I’m always getting hit on and sleeping around? Or they’re trying to butter me up by complimenting me in this weird way?
I’m attractive and have a relatively easy time with men, but I’m certainly not THE most attractive person or anything like that. I guess the question just confuses me and I don’t know why it’s being asked. Do you guys?
(Also sorry, I feel weird asking this but I’m honestly curious because it happened again recently)
Definitely deep into a nervous breakdown.
“ In prior research, single individuals were found to report higher levels of depression, anxiety, mood disorders, adjustment problems, and other forms of psychological distress, and a higher rate of alcohol-related problems.”
Seems to be both cause and side effect, in my case. I would go today to seek help but I have a meeting tomorrow morning, so going to fake it till I make it the next 24 hours. Positive vibes appreciated.
Last Thursday, I texted the guy I’ve been “dating” to plan for the long weekend, he said he was going out of town with the boys (i interpreted as if it was a guys trip or that’s what he wanted me to think but i highly doubt it) and I was in the dark, if I don’t text he wouldn’t have said anything, he would normally do a counter offer but he didn’t this time. I let him be and waited for him to come back, but he hasn’t texted me since. I texted him today with a random comment, he hasn’t responded yet. I have the feeling that he went with another date. I feel bad for sending that message, I feel kinda stupid bc I told myself not to do it several times before. What’s your opinion? I’ll take any blunt truth, especially if you’re a guy since you know how you guys operate, but any input is welcome!!!
Would a 31 year old guy date a 37 year old woman? Is it not weird?
Im overthinking a lot