Ladies of Reddit who decided they don’t want children, what were random peoples takes on it when they heard about it?

42 comments

  1. “you’re still too young, you’ll change your mind” typical thing everyone says but I’ll never change my mind. I actually only told this to my family and not other people as well cause I don’t want them to bother me anyway.

  2. I don’t bring up that I’m childfree with random people so it’s not really discussions I’ve had with people who aren’t my family/partner/gynecologist. But the few times someone – like a neighbour or hairdresser – asked me about future plans, if I have/want to start a family in passing and I told them I don’t want kids, I got the ever so typical, invalidating and dreaded “oh but you’re so young”, “you’ll change your mind” or “that would be a shame.”

    I’m 25, always knew for certain I don’t want kids and have been dead set on getting my tubes ligated or removed since I was 18 once I can afford it, or even a hysterectomy if the reward of not dealing with menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea outweighs the “risk/side effects” and cost.

  3. You’ll change your mind

    What if your future husband wants kids

    You were a child too you know

  4. So selfish!! – no, I think its more selfish to do it so you’ve got someone to look after you when you’re old, or to save your marriage.

    You’ll change your mind – about pushing an entire human through my vaginal canal? Unlikely.

    But it’s different when they’re your own! – maybe! We’ll never know 🙂

    But what if your future husband wants kids? – if the person I’m dating plans to have children, I’m not marrying them.

    But it’s what we were built to do! Don’t you feel your biological clock? – Not even at all. Following that logic, I was built to eat cake and chips and watch netflix, that’s my strongest urge most of the time.

  5. When I heard my friends say they don’t want kids. I totally get it and applaud the self awareness. I always let them know that I honestly think the only people who should have kids are people who’ve had stable parental role models. The problem I always note is that most people don’t have stable role models but they end up having kids and perpetuate a cycle of pain.

  6. I’ve actually had everyone (siblings, friends, coworkers, etc) even my very religious Catholic parents support me. Some do just ask “why?” And when I explain my reasoning everyone is supportive.

  8. I had no bad comments about it at all. I did eventually get pregnant (thanks coil lol) at 27 but previously to that everyone was understanding.

  9. Most of it is “I’ll change my mind.”

    Or

    “I’ll regret it.”

    And the occasional- “but what if the guy you’re with wants kids?”

  10. ‘What if your partner wants kids?’

    ‘You’ll change your mind’

    ‘Don’t you want a little you running around?’ 🙄

  11. I had an old coworker tell me I should have a kid because “then a part of your partner will be with you forever”. Eww.

  12. If you have a “socially acceptable” excuse you mostly get pity instead of judgement. I have a heredity condition I don’t want to pass on, when people hear that it goes: “Oh, I’m so so sorry. That must be devastating.” (It’s not, I’m fine) “How does your husband feel though?” (He wants me to be alive, primarily.) “You’re strong, you can handle it. It will be worth it!” (Why on earth would I have a kid knowing pregnancy will be dangerous, they will likely inherit the lifelong condition I have suffered from, and especially knowing I could potentially leave them without a mother at a younger age than most?) “Why not adoption though??” (I still have a debilitating disease, a shorter life expectancy, and the adoption industry in the US is predatory and exploitative.) The worst part is that I have it relatively easy with this, unlike those who are making healthy choices for themselves without one of the “acceptable” answers. They experience so much irrational judgement and even anger from others. I root for you all and speak up often about it!

  13. Who will take care of you in old age?

    What do you do everyday if you dont have kids? (Its like CF couple gets bored with each other)

    What will you do with so much money?

    Why are you so focussed in career ?

  14. Honestly? They were respectful and minded their own business. I think I only had one person ask me why I didn’t like children, and I explained that it’s not about that – then she respected my position. It’s been ok so far.

  15. “I was just like you when I was younger, but then I changed my mind. You will too when you meet the right person”

    This one was a bit wild because like…By definition the “right” person for me would also not want kids lol

  16. “You’re selfish. That’s selfish.” “What a waste” “It’s unnatural” “That’s your purpose as a woman” etc. etc. *rolls eyes*

  18. Me: “I’m not having kids.”

    Him: “Yes you are.”

    Me: “Um, no.”

    Him: “No, I know you are.”

  19. I’m selfish. I’ll change my mind, I’ve still got time left, it’s different when it’s yours, who will you leave your stuff to when you die, who will take care of me when I’m old etc.

    Very few people are able to be happy for me as I’m living life the way I want to.

    My health isn’t good enough to be able to look after kids anyways but I look fine, have a great career etc but people are so damn pushy and judgy.

  20. “But you’d be such a good mom!”

    Yeah… People who never wanted to have kids and resent their kids make the best parents 🙄

    Also, don’t know how they came to that conclusion seeing as how this person only knew me in the context of being a foul mouthed bartender who parties every single night.

  21. “You’ll regret that!”

    “Are you sure!! You still have time!”

    “Women today just don’t seem to be the same.”

    I’m constantly told that until I have children, my life has no fulfillment.

  22. I respect motherhood so much that I think I will not do a good job on it… when they hear that
    1. they look at me like I am crazy
    2. Your a woman, dont you want to see what your child looks like
    3. Just have at least one you will regret it when your old if you dont have
    4.who will take care of you when your old
    5. The hardships raising a child will go so fast

    Grrrr! Its annoying! Not all women who gave birth is fit to be a mother, a lot of women who doest have kids can still love and be love by children thats not theirs. It is a great responsibility raising a child you have to teach them good morals and values and its not a one time lecture i think a you only stop being a mother when you die.

  23. I didn’t want to have kids, especially since I had become primary caregiver to my baby sister when I was 13.

    Most people understood my stance because of the situation.

    I got married at 20 and 10 months later my first son was born. I had a child, then went on to have 3 more, because “that’s what you do…get married then have babies”

    I don’t regret having my children, they all turned out to be pretty decent human beings and I love them all dearly. BUT…if I had known how having kids would affect my mental health, and how my and their lives would go, I would have been much much more inclined to stand my ground and not have children.

    Interestingly, none of my 4 children are interested in having children. And I will NEVER push them!!!

  24. My Home Economics teacher clicked her tongue and said “well you’d be a terrible mother anyway”.

  25. “You’re so good with babies, you’ll make a great parent” –

    I could also make a great serial killer if I just fake it. I am good at most things I do because I am that arrogant.

  26. Well, I’m nearing 30 now so people are always telling me I’ll change my mind once I hit 32…

    Meanwhile no one except my partner knows I had my chance and went straight for abortion 😌.
    And yet people are so confident that I’ll change my mind, know one knows you like you know yourself.

  28. Most people who used to give me a hard time used to tell me “you never know. You might meet the right guy” as if, somehow, a particular man would make me want/have children. (Although I used to get this from my dad’s family a lot, and they actually believe that women are property and should do what they’re told).

    At 47, with two cats, no husband, STILL no kids, a successful career, and anger issues, no one says 💩 to me anymore. 🤣

  29. I stopped discussing it with random people very long time ago. People who need to know, know. If random people ask, I stare them down until they get uncomfortable and drop the subject. Mind you, I haven’t had to do that in a long time since I rarely associate with people who would even assume that it’s an acceptable line of questioning.

  30. Honestly and surprisingly nothing really. I never gavebthe impression I wanted kids, but I also never talked about it. And now mod 30s the time is ticking, I’m single so… nobody really says anything. But in my academic bubble really only 1 or 2 friends have kids already so maybe that’s just how it is

  31. I’m childfree and wanting to get sterilization this year. Usually people get quiet or change the subject like its so painful or something. My mom immediately rambles about her ancestry, like her family and dna etc. I feel like she feels hurt but she will often say my guinea pig is her grand pig and i dunno how to take it

  32. ”Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind!” I get that a lot and usually respond with ”I did not in the past and I will not and I do not”

  33. Friend of a friend told me I’ll change my mind, and that also I shouldn’t feel bad about being short because there are plenty of guys who like short women. 1. My height is not an issue for me. 2. I’m married. 3. Fuck you.

    Best friend and her partner had a baby recently and her partner likes to try to wind me up about having a baby for their baby to play with and says things like “never say never” 🙄

  34. From older people “you’ll change your mind”

    From younger people “good for you”

  35. I usually say there is no good reason to have children unless you want them… I have 724 reasons NOT to have kids, and not one parent has been able to provide a good reason for having one

  36. Usually pretty positive. People understand, wether they are younger or older, have kids of their own, or not. They take my answer for what it is and leave it at that. Some of them even respond like “good for you”.
    I think only my mom took a while to believe me – and that is mostly because I am her only daughter and she feels that the bond between daughter-mother deepens/becomes more special once the daughter becomes a mom herself. I (gently) urged her to say goodbye to this “dream” and just appreciate me for who I am. And she totally does.

  37. My mother gets pretty irritated everytime it’s mentioned. I’m often called and idiot and told to “shut up”. She has 3 sons that can give her children but for some reason ME not wanting them is the end of the world.

  38. I’ve generally had quite positive responses. In fact many people I’ve spoken too in my work, friendship group etc have been totally understanding and even said theyd wished theyd made the same choice. I feel some people feel ill change my mind but they don’t say it to my face.
    The only time I get bingos is by people I meet outside of my usual circles. They usually feel justified in telling me I’m being stupid or whatever….to which I just smile, roll my eyes and walk off. Because I’m so open though I’ve also had other people be open back and say they are also cf and so glad they can openly talk about it 🙂

  39. if they’re good parents who genuinely seem to love their kids, and their kids turned out well… they dont usually say anything about it. i think women are very about the “join me in suffering but make it sound like wholesome solidarity” rhetoric… so that’s usually how i take it.

  40. “That’s how I felt too at your age!” “Its different when they’re yours!” Shuddup

  41. A coworker actually told me that if I don’t have kids I’ll end up with cancer in my reproductive organs because “your body is meant to give birth.” As if my ovaries would purposely develop tumors to get revenge on me. Can’t believe she said it with a straight face.

  42. Told “family friends” I didn’t want children because I was fearful of becoming like my emotionally abusive mother. Who knows how the stress of having a child would change me when I know I’m already not mentally prepared for it. They’d always say “the fact that you’re concerned means that you’d be a good mother”.

    *Edited for spelling.

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