Hi there, so I’m a mid 20s female living at home with my mom and dad (both 61). I’m a musician and have been musical my entire life so far. I went to college for a degree in voice and when I got out I went straight into private teaching because I needed an income – this is my first job by the way, still here 4 yrs later. I really love teaching and passing on my love for music and performing. I love performing but don’t get too inspired to write my own music, which has been part of my dad’s complaints.
My dad has been getting harder and harder to live with because he has this idea in his head that I need to be famous in order to be successful as a musician. My whole life he’s been pushing that I should go onto American Idol or some other show where I can be “discovered”. Thing is, that sounds awful to me. I don’t actually *want* to be famous – people can control your life and I want to spend my life happy, not trying to stay current. He regularly yells at me about what I need to do for my career and makes me feel bad about any choices I actually make toward my goals. I constantly feel confused and frustrated.
My question is how do I continue living with a stubborn old man who feels the need to continuously bring up what I spend my time doing and what I “need” to be doing? I don’t want/can’t afford to move out at this moment and plan on moving to a different state in a few years anyway. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
TLDR: Dad thinks I should be famous and regularly harrasses me about it – how do I deal with him?
5 comments
You don’t continue living with him. You move out. Even if you share an apartment with five people it would be easier than putting up with his crap.
Whenever he brings it up, tell him:
You appreciate his suggestions for you to have more income and a better life, and you are grateful for his interest in your career and wellbeing. However, you need to live your own life, make your own decisions and mistakes. Besides, you don’t have the personality or drive to be famous. It takes a very self-centered person to be able to put up with all the rejection and constant ridicule. Also, most people on American Idol and America’s Got Talent don’t become famous or make it big.
He might be like this because he wants you to be able to move out and support yourself on your own. Can you do that right now?
The people in my life who have taught me music have a place in my mind forever. Dick Wiseman, Everett McConn, Nicholas Albanese. All three of these men (they just happen to be) live in the hearts of thousands of people in my area. They ARE famous, in the best way.
So, you effectively have a Stage Dad who thinks that your music degree should translate immediately to being a pop star selling out stadiums?
Sorry. He’s the sort of person who would probably poo poo someone who got an engineering degree and didn’t become an astronaut.
Has this been his way since he knew you were into music (likewise, have you always known you were more into the teaching than “stardom” side of music?)
The big question: Have you ever just told him “Dad, I’m really not interested in being a pop star. I’m not ‘settling’ for a teaching career, it’s what I enjoy doing.”