Like not work or school obviously. Something like a social group, a hobby club, walk-in class outside school (hobby classes in adulthood).

There's a dance class I go to where the regulars barely want to talk because I'd been shy before. New people though, tend to like me because of my style and genuine approach to the class. They often assume I'm a really welcoming expert or something and I am flattered. Regulars are like meh it's that guy. If I decided to be confident towards the regulars, talkative, and ask lots of questions like they were friends already, and kept that going, I probably could recover but at this point I don't have much of an advantage in this group versus any random group.

I went to a hobby literature club recently for the second time. The first time I had a cowboy hat and gave a very memorable performance. Like, totally unique impossible to forget. The second time, I was in a "fuccboi" style outfit with a (fake) gold chain, and nobody recognized I was there the first time. They thought I was a really cool intellectual or something, and welcomed me. I noticed I basically had a new first impression the second time. Like people welcomed me as a new guy, unaware that the earlier cowboy was me. It was probably the best first impression I ever had with a social group, but that was because I put a lot of effort into my performance the second time, more so than the fashion I think.

Once I've "disappointed" a group or been "that shy awkward guy" it becomes uphill but I bet I could recover if I really tried, however I'd have to take notes or something, be a bit analytical, to remind myself not to go with the flow.

I've noticed that people are more sociable to me when I'm unshaven with badly matching clothes. I'm kind of better at recovering from a bad impression than continuing a good one. Seeming low effort could make people more welcoming, if I seem high effort I have to match it and can more easily "disappoint"


Leave a Reply
You May Also Like