TLDR: As a performer, I generally talk with a strong voice. I'm not shy. In fact, more of a social butterfly. BUT, I'm also bigger than a lot of people. I think the combination of my size and the lack of hesitation makes people uneasy.
This is mostly for how I approach women, but not just women I'm trying to date. I mean in general. This doesn't seem like as much of an issue with men that I talk to.
Coming into social situations, my looks predispose a lot of people to being cautious. I'm 6'1. I could stand to lose 30 pounds of body fat, but its clear to most people that I work out regularly. What that means is that I'm usually the biggest guy in the room. That's not some weird brag. Its an objective reality that when I'm standing next to someone that is 5'2, 115 pounds… they might feel some sort of way. On top of that, I have a shaved head and a big beard. I'm not looking for fashion advice, I'm just painting a picture for what people will know about me before anything ever comes out of my mouth.
Next, we need to address where I meet people. I perform at a lot of entertainment venues and bars. These places can be crowded and loud. This means there are a lot of distractions and lots of other people, so unless I take the initiative, most people keep to themselves. Occasionally, I'll get a "yo, you were great!" or something like that. But, if I see another person (could be a cute girl but could also be another performer that I want to talk to), I need to be proactive in my approach. I'm not trying to chance the location, I'm just describing the environment because that's always relevant.
Here' the problem: I've never felt "nervous" talking to someone new. I never felt nervous on stage either. To me, there's no difference doing what I do on stage and doing what I do in front of a mirror. The same goes for chatting with random people. I'm not timid and I think that's scary to people (remember: unless there's a football team in the room, I'm likely one of the biggest people there). Last night, I saw a new person and wanted to engage in conversation. I pointed at her and was like "I haven't seen you before. What brings you here?" At the time, it felt like a reasonable icebreaker. A friend of mine was standing near us and told me afterwards "bro, looks like you demanding answers. You are too big to be that upfront." Which is weird. I don't get how I would be able to timidly start a conversation.
Other examples of my lack of social acuity: a fellow performer jokes with me a lot about the first time he asked me about his performance. I said "The crowd loved it, so you are doing something right. I just don't get the appeal." He says he loved the honesty and he knows I didn't mean anything bad, but that maybe I should figure out how to be more diplomatic. Another performer talked about me on stage after meeting me last week "He seems nicer than his reputation. And, I mean this when I say it: he's way bigger than me, please don't hurt me." This implies there is talk about me that I'm not aware of and that I'm not as bad as whatever that talk is. And, that's wild to me, because I talk to a LOT of people in a lot of local scenes (I will regularly drive 60+ miles in any direction). Many of them are cool with me… yet, I still feel like I give off a vibe that intimidates a lot of women and some of the men. I want to figure out how to be "gentler" while keeping my "hey, I want to talk to you" attitude.