Wife and I have been married two years. I've known her family for about 6 years. MIL had blowup resulting in terrible yelling and accusations almost two years ago. Naturally we have withdrawn considerably from the family while trying to navigate healthy recovery (therapy with the family was unsuccessful). She just sent an email to the family about how people shouldn't hold grudges. I have been relatively silent so far, but since she included me in large family email I feel compelled to reply. Looking for feedback on response to MIL.
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Here are two of my boundaries. I invite anyone to share their own.
My Relevant Boundaries:
I will not put myself, my wife or my children in unsafe situations.
I will not tolerate verbal abuse directed towards myself, my wife or my children.
It is my perspective that I have never seen verbal or physical abuse in my time with the XXX Family until the Lakehouse in STATE and DATE.
At the Lakehouse I saw verbal abuse directed to (Wife) from (MIL). I do not condemn people, but I do condemn behavior, such as verbal abuse.
If anyone disagrees I would love to hear your thoughts. If anyone thinks they saw any other examples of verbal abuse I am all ears and would love to hear your perspective.
Violation of Boundaries:
Verbal abuse is in violation of my extremely reasonable boundaries (that I hope you all share with me).
Way Forward:
To restore and heal from this violation I need (and have not yet received):
- An apology
- Assurances it will never happen again
Defintions from American Psychology Association:
“Verbal Abuse: extremely critical, threatening, or insulting words delivered in oral or written form and intended to demean, belittle, or frighten the recipient.”
TLDR: Looking for feedback on how to improve response to MIL's email following verbal abuse event.