After my(29M) failed attempt to have sex with the girl i met, she started getting cold & ghosted me out of nowhere ( i don't blame her, i can comment the old post to avoid moderation).
So, out of frustration i started going to parlors and met providers by spending the money i don't have using credit cards cash advances and high APR loans.
I started abusing pills from gas station and tried all the blue chews with side affects of headaches, puking, chest pain & nausea but still couldn't have proper sex(I'm bawling while i write this).
/ as in i can only stay erect for HJ & BJ only. /
After she was gone, I isolated myself for a week and abstained for 20 days before i went to the parlor even though i wasn't fully horny. So, the initial oil routine was done, i was fully erect and ready to go but as soon as i hit 3-4 strokes it became flaccid, she tried to comfort me by cuddling and kissing on my neck, but i couldn't get it erect enough for penetration. so i tipped her & i left crying(literally)
saw the blue chew ad and ordered the recommended pills(viagra) and spoke to someone upscale and had a semi successful session with erect penis. cos i had headache and flushing sensation on my face. I couldn't really feel any pleasure (i met her just for the heck of it not because i was horny)
Now, i changed to other pills(cialis) which doesn't have too many side affects and met someone upscale again but i was desperate & met her too early before the medication kicked in and had the same old results of flaccid dick half way through.
now to top it all of i went to a VIP provider(model) who provides complete girlfriend experience with kisses and failed again. i tried this multiple times burning the money i don't have with increased dosage, trying 7/11 pills and also started meeting providers from different ethnicity in the city hoping to meet someone who might be into you but no luck and also got turned down as soon as some providers saw me(normal in NYC) which made my self esteem go down even more.
i lost track of how many providers i met and how much money i spent and how much medication i abused. i have to marry someone soon. idk how i can tell my parents. sometimes, i want to out myself but i love them and i can't do this to them.
PO*n ruined my life or at least it's not for everyone. i couldn't date anyone, i could barely talk to a women looking at her eyes & for fucks sake i couldn't even have sex with all that GF experience from a smoking hot Latina.
It's been 10 days since i stopped as I'm out of money with payments coming soon with negative balance in my checking's account. i know i can fix the finances but mentally i am drained.
Also idk if it's the medication but i stopped getting random boners and don't feel a thing when i see a hot chick.
Please, please, please if anyone went through this, DM me or respond here about your journey of getting out of this mess.