Yesterday I asked a girl out to coffee, and unfortunately she said no.
She said “_____, i just want to let you know that i don’t like you like that, so if i got this wrong i’m very sorry and this is a little embarrassing but i just wanted to let you know, if you just want to hang out as friends then sure! but otherwise i’m sorry but i don’t like you that way. your really nice and amazingly funny i just don’t like you that way” She also said some other bs about not “being in the right place”.
I am a JV football player and she is a JV cheerleader, I thought it literally couldn’t have been any better. I literally had a plan for not just the first date, but also homecoming. I’m crushed. It’s not like I can just go away, she’s literally at all my games. How should I get over this kind of rejection?
Thanks- JP
14 comments
Watch Marni, your personal wing girl on YouTube. She has a video on responding to rejection. Its good and will up your game. She also has videos on how to get out of the friend zone.
Here’s one. https://youtu.be/gbbqlv33vsc
There are plenty of fish in the sea
Looks like you got friend zoned.
However it sounds like you only want to date her rather than be friends but I ain’t gonna complain about it as you’re you.
They’re billions of others just don’t get into the friend zone to prevent it happening again
Fuck her friend.
Just remember, even if you’re the sweetest, ripest mango of them all, there will always be someone who dislike mango. Learn from your past rejections, is there anything you could’ve done better? If you already did your best, it probably wasn’t you anyways, always try ending it as amicably as possible, for we never know what the future might bring. Have a good one 👌
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Bro look, here is the thing. You are taking her response personal. To you, her saying no to *you* means there is something wrong with *you*, or that you are not worthy of *her*. And that creates conflict and doubt within your *ego* because deep down inside you know that you *are* worthy. And you are indeed! You’re just not a match *with* her, not *for* her.
But it truly has nothing to do with you. See, attraction just happens, it’s a biological response that is programmed within each and every one of us. Now in this case, this girl is being told by her genetics that you and her are not a good biological match. She is simply not into you *like that*. It has nothing to do with you as a person, really. As a matter of fact she probably really appreciates you! But there’s nothing she can do about it, even if she really tries. Like some guys like thin women, some like curvy women, go figure. So don’t take this kind of rejection personal man, because you did well to ask her and now you know what’s up. You’ll understand the day you meet a girl who crushes on you super hard and you’ll be like *wtf I’m not even trying..* Genetics is a bitch man…
Best way might be to ask someone else out, and this time be casual about it, don’t make plans for the first plus second date or homecoming in your head…. Just casually ask someone out and roll with things without overthinking it.
Sorry to hear you are upset about your rejection.
From there, what are you telling yourself? Do you tell yourself I am embarrassed, or do you tell yourself, woops rejection is redirection? Do you see it as you have to avoid her or do you see it as a chance for yourself to focus elsewhere? How would you talk to a friend or treat him as he is being rejected?
How are you feeling? What is it truly hurting? Is it hurting your feelings because you truly like her or is it hurting your self-esteem? Is it disappointment from things not turning out the way you have planned or is it disappointment from an expectation of her saying yes?
Get curious and find out what part of you is exactly hurt by. So the part of you is hurt, how can you gently comfort it? What does this part of you need? How would he prefer to be accepted by? What does he need to release? Does he need to cry? Does he need to share his feelings? To share with a friend or journaling? Does he need to scream it out loud to vent? Does he need encouragements? Is it support via positive self-talk? Or gifts? Is it strength and confidence? How to best provide it? Is it telling him he is courageous to have even asked the girl out? Is it comforting him everything is well, even he will be seeing the girl, there’s no awkwardness.
Everyone’s character are different and we all have different needs, the best way for yourself would be the way you feel the best. Sometimes it is not about getting over, it is about understanding the wound, acceptance of how it is and pour love into it by giving it treatment. Hurt is hurt, so if a part of you is hurt, how would you best treat it?
Sending love to you!
Stop having unrealistic expectations. You will just be disappointed, and it’s your fault. Bound by nothing, you are free of everything.
Not everyone is our match, sometimes what we see they don’t. Simple as that.
Investing and focusing on that person just sets us up for being hurt when they aren’t matching our interest. Wrong way to look at it, just know she was upfront and honest and it didn’t materialize, but now you know and you’re free to find someone who is into you, and so is she.
Don’t invest in people until they give you a reason to, and it makes love, dating, romance and talking to people SOOOOOOOO much easier. Don’t create imaginary relationships because they make sense TO YOU, wait for them to actually BE and exist on their own, and THEN you can invest your emotions and energy into them.
It happens to the best of us. Just realize that getting rejected isn’t always your fault. It can be and if it was you need to understand why so you don’t make the same mistakes in the future, but if she just wasn’t ready or just didn’t find you attractive for whatever reason (be careful to understand that this is sometimes your fault because of your lack of self care or poor approach) then there is nothing wrong with you and you need to understand that. That’s often the first step to getting over it and moving on with your life. Working on your approach for talking to girls is another good way to get over it once you’ve gotten past that first step. Plenty of fish in the sea. It may have felt like you never got much attention in the past or something and that’s why this one is getting to you so much, you feel like you’ll go back to being lonely but that will only happen if you convince yourself that will happen. Its all about making decisions to keep a positive attitude and keep a positive outlook. Another thing to consider is that if you take rejection poorly and she picks up on it the girl will likely tell all of her friends about it and it hurts your chances with them too so you’re just hurting yourself by doing that. If you brush it off like it’s no big deal she may even start to wonder why you got over it so easily and that can actually create attraction in some cases as long as you’re not a dick about it.
It’s tough, but she is just not into you (no pun intended, really). As someone before me already said, you can be the best guy on the planet, but you are always going to find someone who thinks that you are not her cup of tea, simply we have tastes, just like you actually liked her and not some other girl you know.
Also going overboard with projections, plans and all that stuff is detrimental to your ego but also for your enjoyment of a possible date/relationship/etc. , because you are not going to fully enjoy time spent together (thoughts of “this isn’t going as planned”, “is she going to like this or not? Cause if not I’m screwed” and so on) and you are also going to feel insecure about anything you do. I think you have to think more about “the moment” with your future acquaintances, approach it more with a mentality of “we’ll see” and I assure you thing are gonna be better! Good luck bro!
Also be happy about the fact that she straight up told you without making excuses or making you uselessly waiting and also she said it before your first date, without make you commit to her before telling you the truth!
“She said other bs”. She doesn’t need to have a reason to like you. To date you. She’s just not into you, even if you think you are perfect or whatever. Just shrug it off and move on.