When I 29F started dating a 31M back in January who spent a lot of time in my city for work, I didn't want anything serious. But we knew we got on really well, and after three dates we slept together. He introduced me to his brother and then invited me on a holiday. On this holiday, he admitted he had been sleeping with someone else, but he asked me if I wanted to date him. I wasn't impressed that he had a friends with benefits situation alongside me (especially when he had introduced me to his brother), so when he asked me if I wanted to date, I said I don't know. We agreed to stay friends when we left the holiday destination.
However he just disappeared after this. He said he would call me but he never did. Weeks went by and I never heard from him. I got the hint that he was not interested in staying in contact and I felt hurt, used and humiliated that he had ghosted me.
That was until three weeks after the trip, when my period was late. I texted him this update one afternoon, and he ignored it. I called him and he declined the call saying he was out and would call me the next morning. That next morning, I took several pregnancy tests and discovered I was pregnant. I called him 7 times until he finally picked up and I broke the news. He said he hadn't seen my message, that he had been sick and busy which is why he had disappeared. I was very upset and said he had treated me badly and said he was a bad person in my emotional state.
For the next few weeks we fought constantly. He tried to persuade me into one direction, where as I initially wanted to proceed as my family are super supportive with childcare (as seen with my siblings' children) and I am financially comfortable. I said I could manage this alone and I didn't need him. For weeks we argued, until my friend took my attention away from any baby, and emphasised that this man would be in my life for the next 18 years if I proceeded, he would have the right to know where I lived, what I earned, know if I went on holiday. That I didn't have years to waste vetting him. For that reason, I decided to go with the option he wanted.
He paid for everything. The initial medicine that comes via post and because I didn't want to do it in my own house, a hotel room for a week. That was 1.5 weeks ago.
He said that we should remain friends afterwards. Initially I agreed, however I spent this weekend with him (nothing physical or romantic happened at all), and he said from the moment he met me he knew i would make a good friend. He also introduced me to his best friend this weekend too.
However I was disappointed that he never apologised for him ghosting me. He said he had been sick, he said it was the worst thing he had ever done. But there was never really an apology. He never asked me how I felt that day when he ignored my message and call about a missed period, or how I felt when I discovered I was pregnant and I had to blow up his phone until he finally picked up.
For that reason, I think he lacks the emotional depth to be my friend. I'm disappointed that there was never any accountability or anything said about how he had been so mean for so long.
So clearly he wants nothing romantic with me now but wants to stay friends. But I can't do it. All i think about is the guilt and the shame related to the pregnancy, and all I think about is how badly he treated me those weeks he ignored me. If he can do it once, he could do it again. And I want to cut him off for that reason. But is this unfair on him? He can't read my mind, but also is it unreasonable to expect this from a grown man?
TL;DR: a man who had been ghosting me until he found out he had impregnated me, now wants to be friends. But I am no longer interested because of how much he hurt me and a lack of real understanding / remorse since then