My (30f) bf (37m) of 7 years is being very passive aggressive these days and making comments about the house being dirty. I think he wants me to clean more but he's not going about it the right way and is reverting to making comments or doing it himself in a passive aggressive way (he will clean but it seems like he's very angry or frantic while doing it).
We were long distance for the first 4 years and he kept telling me he's working on fixing his house up, which he has barely touched.
When I bring this up to him in a polite way (when is the bathroom floor going to be done?) he gets immediately defensive and says something like
"WELL if we could stop going out every weekend then I would have time to do it" (going out= going fishing at his favorite spots- he refuses to go to the spots that are my favorite because we catch less fish. I like fishing for trout which are more difficult to find, he likes bass fishing).
Basically the entire house is half finished. He has only gotten 2 big projects semi finished (the kitchen is still halfway done, the bathroom still has no grout on the tub or floor/walls ceiling.).
The rugs in the house are so disgusting and messed up it makes vacuuming a nightmare because it constantly catches a tear and gets tangled in it.
The kitchen sink still hasn't been sealed properly for over 2 years now, so the counter is getting water damage around the sink which he thinks is my problem because when I do dishes some water gets around the edges. (I always clean it up- he's the one who leaves a puddle next to the sink).
I can't properly clean the bathroom because the floor is wood and there's no wall or ceilings, there's nails sticking out everywhere.
When I have given the house as much of a deep clean as I can, he immediately within minutes leaves a mess somewhere. For example, I'll spend hours cleaning the fridge for him to immediately not properly close a condiment bottle and have it smeared somewhere.
If I deep clean the toilet, the next pee he takes is sprinkled all over the back. I feels like I'm living with a disgusting frat boy which I have accepted for the most part, but it feels like he expects me to follow him around cleaning his messes up which I did not sign up for.
He does not ask me for any bill money and completely financially supports me so I'm feeling really guilty for not having the house clean, but also he makes a mess like a toddler and expects me to deal with it. Which I haven't been, I'm honestly so depressed these days I could care less and I'm just following his lead.
I also don't appreciate that he keeps guilting me for not getting the house finished when the 2 half finished projects literally only took a week and I didn't guilt him for not hanging out with me, I was relieved it was getting done and tried to stay out of his way.
It feels like he just uses me as an excuse to evade fixing the house up at this point. He says "Im not fixing the house up because I need to spend quality time with you" but it feels like he really means "I'm going to use you as an excuse to shirk my duties", because I have told him more than once I don't ALWAYS want to go bass fishing even though I do it for him every weekend.
Edited to add in that the 2 half finished big projects were done over 2 years ago at this point. So our bathroom has not had walls or a floor in 2 years. He hasn't even grouted the tub yet. He told me not to deep clean the tub because it has no grout. So he's also setting me up for complete failure. I have been cleaning the tub but I already know he's probably going to flip out when he realizes there's water damage due to him not grouting it 2 years ago.