Marriage

So today was my son who passed away’s birthday. He would have been eleven. First can I say I am not with my husband of 18 years because he put his hands on me and the neighbors called the police. So now I’m at my moms and he ain’t even aloud to talk to me on the phone. However I am not tryin to be a bitch so I will take text messages from him, but when I am done with his bs. I end it. So of course I would want to be with my husband on the birth of our child who passed away. We should be grieving together in remembrance of the life that was taken too soon. He should be the shoulder that I need to left me up and tell me not to be sad that we should be celebrating that he even was created and this day should be joyous. Instead he is berating me about sitting near the river on a public bench and enjoying the peace and quiet and missing my son. Instead he had to rant about it and go crazy because I won’t feed into his childish antic when this day is incredibly hard for me. Instead he wants to divide us, and not come together and take responsibility for his abusive behavior, and gaslight me and act as if I am the one who is doin it to him. We are not even back together. I am being cordial with him because that’s what adults do. I have been with him for 18 years and im tired of people telling me how to act around him. He is who he is. I can’t control that, and whatever he wants to think about me I can’t control that either. I know the truth, and it just doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does. I took steam out of his argument about me gaslighting him when I just was like I don’t know where you go or who you are with and I don’t care. If you wanna tell me great if not I don’t pry because you’re an adult and I can’t control your behavior nor do I want to.