TL;DR at the bottom!
We met almost two months ago at a party, stayed up 7 hours talking, made out (he trembled when we made out), got each others numbers, texted non0stop, he got into a car accident a few days later, and reached out from the hospital via relatives phone to DM his friend to have him DM my friend to lhave her et me know he wasn't ghosting me and was just hospitalized and severely injured (just to give you context for how much he was into me). We texted continuously, he was SO into me, I went over to his place a couple weeks later, and when we made out on his bed he trembled severely, and when I asked what was going on, he said "I'm nervous and I don't know what you like".
Next day he came to a pregame for a party he wasn't invited to just to walk me to the party. At the pre-game he was not looking at me much and kept talking to my friend (friend later told me he was looking at me a lot when I wasn't looking at him), and I had to initiate hand-holding and making out, and then he got comfortable a while later (he seems quite shy and nervous and again, afraid of rejection). He was bragging about how intelligent I was and how I went to an Ivy and currently am about to get a MD to his friend.
Next day, On our first date, and he told me he is very insecure, has a huge, fragile ego, a fear of rejection, rejected by women until he was 17 and got dumped by his first gf last year and was heartbroken by it, had a rebound last summer, doesn't "date to date", has body dysmorphia. We had sex after the first date, he got off, I didn't, he said "I had fun" and afterwards said "you're so fucking hot and I just want to do a good job". He was extremely cuddly and affectionate that night.
Next day he said he had a wonderful time .Kept texting regularly with just as much enthusiasm between dates, put so much effort into keeping the convo going, texting me during finals, from therapy, etc. B/w first and second date I invite him to be my +1 to a party (after the second daate) Second date comes and goes well.
He is holding my hand, playing his favorite music for me, laughing and calling me so freaking cute when I was hiccuping on our way back to his place from the second date and when we were hanging out on his bed. Sex did not go well (I had an anxiety attack as i got high for the first time). He slipped out twice, I giggled awkwardly, and when I pointed that out he said "I'm supposed to be good at this", he kept missing the cli** and looked embarrassed when I pointed that out. I then got on top but I was mentally checked out and was like counter-thrusting against him and did not maintain a good rhythm but he still got off, and he knew I didn't. He had tried to get me off with his hands before that and didn't do it right. Anyway, after that he said "I had fun" like he did after the first time we had sex but then I said nothing.
He got extremely quiet after that and said nothing all night (and this guy hates silence and never goes more than 5 seconds of silence without bringing up a new topic of convo), next morning he avoided eye contact and looked taken aback when I kissed him goodbye.
Next evening he texted me and said he had a lot of fun and that he left his sunglasses in my car and asked if he could pick them up from me on saturday (to come to the party). This would be the last time he would initiate a text convo. I texted "glad you had fun!" and said i'd get his glasses for him and bring it to the party. From this point on, he only replies to my texts and does not make any effort to keep the convo going
Three days later I tell him I'm actually not allowed a +1 and I apologize for having to uninvite him (this is true), and he said "that's okay, hopefully I'll see you some other time), and I just heart that message and say I'll drop off his sunglasses on my way to the party.
When I see him the day of the party he seems a bit withdrawn but nice, not making that much eye contact.
ANyway, we don't talk for 5 days after that, and I reach out to explain that I had an anxiety attacjk and apologize if I seemed withdrawn. He said he didn't notice any thing and said he was sorry that I had a bad reaction. After that I said "Hopefully I'll see you some other time" and he goes "Yea I'd love to see you again!", and I suggested ice cream and he said "yes please! I love ice cream!" but didn't actually pick a day or anythuing, said he'd be back and forth in town until the end of may (this was grad weekend, he packed up, went home an hour away). Then he asks me about the party (first time he makes effort to keep the convo going since the second date)
Anyway he replies 2 days later, no apology or explanation for the delay, with a lackluster message, I respond 4 days later, he leaves me on read (although my message did not require a response). I reach out last Monday (4 days after he left me on read) and ask if we're still on for ice cream and he says yes we're still on and he'll let me know when he'll be back in town, and sorry, he's just been busy with moving back home and being busy with classes, and when I say no worries, he just leaves a thumbs up.
Our texts from this past week are here.
Anyway, my friends say he's being distant and avoidant because he is embarassed and feeling insecure and inadequate because of how the sex went and his clear issues with self-esteem and fear of rejection (I also have been scouted by modeling agents and I'm in an Ivy school and about to get a MD and he said he was intimidated by me).
I do still like him and want to try to salvage this. If he has lost interest purely because he just does not feel the same way about me anymore, fine, I'll ack off. But if it is the case that he is just embarassed and fears rejection and is feeling insecure and that is why he's acting like this, I'd really like to know how to salvage this and try to see each other again, but I have no idea how to proceed.
TL;DR:
- Met at a party, spoke for 7 hours, fell asleep together, when we made out he trembled severely, he said he was very intimidated by me (I've been recruited by modeling scouts, and go to an Ivy league school w/ a STEM major, about to go to med school). he got my number the next day and we were texting non stop.
- A few days later, reached out to me from the hospital after being in a bad accident and being severely injured (just to give you an idea of how much he was into me) just so I didn't think I was being ghosted.
- Made multiple comments about wanting to please me, make me happy, "you're so fucking hot and I just want to do a good job" after the first time we had sex (after the first date), said "I'm supposed to be good at this" when he couldn't get me off during the second time we had sex, but I did a bad job as well and did not match his rhythm when I was on top. I was quiet too (mentally checked out from the anxiety attack) and he said "why are you being so quiet"?, I moved my hands awkwardly, and he said "what are you doing?" twice lol
- However, before the sex and on the way home from the second date, He was very affectionate, holding my hand, playing his favorite music for me on the ride back to his place, laughing and calling me so cute when I was hiccuping right before the sex. We had that awkward sex, he got off, I didn't, he said "I had fun" right after, I said nothing, he got very quiet (he hates silence and normally never shuts up), avoided eye contact with me next morning, looked taken aback when I kissed him goodbye.
- Next day he texted me thanking me for the night before and said he had a lot of fun, but From then on, his texts were not at all as engaging as they used to be. He used to put a lot of effort into keeping the convo going, but he stopped doing that, was just replying to my texts. He said "Hopefully I'll see you some other time" after I cancelled our previously scheduled third date (for a legit reason and he knew that too) and I just hearted it but did not respond to it and asked when I could drop off his sunglasses. From then on, mixed signals and delayed responses from both sides. At this point (a month since we saw each other), I'm very confused about where he is at mentally. His texts lately have been a bit dismissive and avoidant (after I asked him if he wanted to grab ice cream). I'm attaching all of our texts since the second date (one is missing – the one where I reach out and explain that I had an anxiety attack when we had sex and was mentally checked out)
I still want to see him again if there's a chance that he does actually still have feelings for me but is just embarrassed and insecure (which is what most of my friends are saying), but it's been 4 days since I asked him if we could talk and he left me on delivered (he has never done this, he has read receipts on as well). he replied promptly to my previous two texts though. Idk if he's just freaking out and thinking I'm about to confront him or what. I'm attaching our texts since the second date.
I really do want to try to salvage this if this is indeed about his own insecurities and embarrassment and not about his actual feelings for me. Idk how to even address this and I really need help to figure out what to do.