Ages are close but not correct, we frequent many of the same subs and dont want to give it away. Plus she asked a question before on reddit about our relationship using the same ages so i guess this is a homage. Ok, ok the title is inflammatory but hear me out. My GF and I have been together for nearly 4 years. Her child has never known it's father, I am the only dad the child has ever known. Last year I sold my previous home and bought us a new one with plenty of room, hell we are planning on marriage soon. That said, here is where things go sideways.
Recently Her and I have been fighting a bit. It's a stressful time, a lot going on. I was injured at my job and off work for months. She graduated, got a job, got fired and hopped around a but before finding her new employer. New employer is amazing but that time was stressful as hell. During our time together, I have fought in some custody battles, securing split custody with all my children. Just a ton going on in our lives.
Anyways, after dating like 6 months suddenly she stopped answering my texts. It went on this way for about 6 months before one day I caught her saving photos I had sent her on snapchat and was able to reignite a conversation. We eventually cleared the air about her ghosting me, and worked through it. We quickly hit it back off, with a vengeance and have been going strong since. Few months ago I just suddenly got a weird feeling she wasn't being honest. In previous relationships this feeling has been factual, hence the custody battles. This time I didn't find anything, at least nothing recently. I eventually found some messages from a guy I know she was talking to for a few months back when we weren't talking. I know I shouldn't have but I scrolled through them. I found some incredibly hot photos /videos but suddenly I noticed the back ground in a video. So I watched it. And noticed a few more… in multiple videos her and I are engaged in sex acts. BDSM, and I'm visible clearly. Not only my body, but my tattoos, my penis, even my face in a few. Other videos were of her deep throating me. I mean I'm not ashamed of my downtown, but I never ever consented to this. At fucking all in anyways. Also a few months after we were back together she had taken a trip to where she used to live prior to having a baby (she moved back home since the father refused to help). She told me prior to the trip and throughout the trip that I had nothing to worry. She wouldn't ghost me again and wouldn't be sleeping with anyone etc. Of course I find a message where the guy asks her to be honest, and asks if he is small down there. She tells me it's an average size but she was more annoyed that he showed up to the party for 15 minutes, hit it and quit it. Of course they were never a thing when she lived there initially so clearly indicating they fucked on her trip.
Part of me says it's well in the past, don't bring it up. She has a history of self harm when she feels like things are spinning out of control. Of course almost all of this is nearly a decade ago but we did have one instance when my ex subpoenaed my gf to testify against me and I was handed copies of thier conversations. That's a story for another time though. Anyways, another part of me wants to just bring it up, so we can heal from it. But honestly, I'm a single dad because of infidelity I'm not sure if once I heard it from her mouth confirming everything how I would feel. Also I feel so incredibly violated, she shared pictures and videos of my genitals without permission. Sure the videos were hot and they showed off her… ahem ability to deep throat a lot but a dildo could have done the same thing. I feel so insanely violated and feel like my trust is just gone. We have been in couples counseling, and have told our counselor about this privately but that's only so helpful. Im kinda hopeful she finds this and gets the courage to tell me herself but thats wishful thinking Im sure.
Sorry I knows it's a rambling post. I tried to include enough info without giving away too much of our lives. But I could 100% use some advice reddit. Oh and please, if your advise is just dump her save it. I appreciate it but there is multiple children involved including one where I'm the only dad they know. My mortgage is outrageous. Just dumping her isn't an option, I need real advice to save out family and my sanity.
TLDR 3 years ago my Gf shared videos of us engaged in BDSM and her deep throating me as well as a clear indicator she fucked him, should I confront her or just try to heal on my own?