My husband and I are now in our late twenties, have been together for seven years, married for 2.5, and have two children. We conceived our first child very early on in our relationship when we hardly knew each other. We stuck it out through a lot of hard times in the beginning but stayed together. Through those challenging times I did develop some resentment towards him for childish behaviors and lies. Over the first handful of years I caught him lying and sneaking around about a lot of things (no infidelity), and he left me to care for our infant child alone a lot. Even on our wedding day it just didn’t feel right. Not a whole lot of love, we weren’t in the best place, and it felt more like we were just appeasing the people around us. I even discussed calling the wedding off two weeks before with my mom. Like I said before we did a lot of personal growth and therapy to get through those times and seemingly came through to the other side.
We’re very proud of how far we’ve come as people and he constantly tells me how much he loves me. He is a wonderful guy, hard worker, and amazing dad. He is very patient and loving and anyone would be so lucky to have him. My family is always telling me how lucky I am (i grew up in an abusive home so they think my husband is perfect from their standpoint). He also very often tells me how scared he gets sometimes that I may leave him one day (his parents divorced when he was very young and he was very effected by it, so he doesn’t want our kids to go through the same thing). This is not to say he doesn’t have his flaws but overall he’s a great guy and will do anything for his family.
For some reason though, I have yet to feel the same love I had for him in the early stages of our relationship. I love him as a person but I don’t feel the kind of love that I should towards my life partner. I don’t get overly excited or giddy to see him or spend time with him and I don’t care for intimacy. He gets on my nerves a lot just by little things he does or comments he makes and it just doesn’t feel like a happy home. I OFTEN fantasize about life alone or with someone else that I truly love. I always think about what life could be if I left. And I want to note that this isn’t a couple week phase – this has been ongoing for years.
Sometimes I think this is because life with two young kids can be stressful and maybe it will pass over the years and we’ll become close again. Other times I think that this is not how I want to live my life and we’d be better off as friendly co parents. I’m so stuck and don’t want to waste my life away in an unhappy marriage but I don’t feel I have a good enough reason to leave other than that I’m not happy and we both deserve genuine love.
Do I stay in a marriage where I don’t feel the same kind of love that he feels for me?