I have a dilemma! My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) are both virgins and this is the first serious relationship for either of us. We have been dating for almost a year.
We have done sexual stuff but never had sex. Additionally, since I think it's relevant, I make him cum all the time but he has never made me cum. I have talked about my desire to have sex and he totally understands where I am coming from, but he feels a lot of pressure to stay hard when we do stuff other than handjobs which in turn means he goes soft. I know this is a common occurrence for men (especially if they're virgins) and I do not want to pressure him into anything he is not ready/wanting to do.
However, I have recently been thinking about how easy it would be to go on a dating app and find a hookup to help me meet my needs, hopefully make me orgasm etc.
I'm wondering how to get rid of this desire to cheat and thoughts around having sex with other men. Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice to stop thinking about cheating? These thoughts are distressing to me and I already feel like I have failed my boyfriend by thinking about being railed by random men 🙃
EDIT: I wrote this post very late at night and didn't reread it. I want to stress that I will NOT cheat on my boyfriend. I know that would hurt him forever and I don't want to do that to anyone, which is why these thoughts are so distressing to me.