This is a repost, as the title was misleading and not accurate to the situation.
Hi everyone! Long-time lurker here, first-time poster.
To explain my situation, I have a best friend we'll call Jane. Jane also has another best friend, Mary, who lives abroad. They see each other a few times a year for about a week or more. On the other hand, I live in the same country as Jane, but very far away, so we only see each other for a few hours a week and not every week. We usually see each other when we have classes together or when we plan something.
Since March/April, Jane and I have been planning to go to a culinary festival in a big city, just the two of us. We don’t see each other much in the summer (for the past two summers, she hasn’t responded to my messages at all, even though she apologized). Anyway, this festival was supposed to be our thing. Mary wasn’t supposed to be /here; she was supposed to come at the end of June.
But now, ticket sales have started and I told Jane about it. She asked if we absolutely needed to get tickets now, because actually, Mary is coming from June 8 to July 8. (the festival takes place mid-June) Jane hinted that she doesn’t want to leave Mary while we're going to the festival. This bothers me because we didn’t plan it that way. Jane should have organized it so Mary would come after the festival to avoid this situation.
What also bothers me is that if it were me, Jane would have said, "Oh, can you come later because Mary and I have to go to this festival together first?" But she would never dare say that to Mary.
I have nothing against Mary, but if there’s one thing I hate, it’s being in a trio because there’s always one person who gets excluded. In this case, it will be me (since M&J have known each other since BIRTH).
Now I’m stuck: either we don’t go at all, or we go with Mary, which wasn’t what I had in mind. I wanted to have an outing just between best friends. I never intrude on their outings, so I don’t understand why this is a problem now.
To summarize, Jane is putting me on the spot and it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to spend the summer without doing something nice with her before she stops replying to me. Jane often complains about Mary (their friendship has a lot of ups and downs) but rarely talks to her directly about it.
We haven’t bought the tickets yet, and I think Jane will bring it up soon and try to convince me to take Mary along. I want to tell her how I feel, but I know she’ll say that it’s a public place and Mary has the right to come, and that she’s been her best friend since they were born.
What do you think? Am I being selfish for wanting this moment just with Jane?
And if I talk to her about it? How should I do it? How should I tell her ?