I’ve been with my friend group since we were 5 years old, maybe even younger since our parents were friends. But I found that throughout high school and even now after we’ve just graduated, somehow I’m always the one left out.
I’m never invited to the hangouts, I never understand the inside jokes, I’m the one who gets left out of the secret group chat,
I don’t know all the gossip within the group, I’m always the one liking the Instagram pictures of the group without me in it (like they ever posted me at all), and it hurts. It hurts when I’m never asked to be in the picture or when I see them hanging out without me, they don’t even ask me if I’m free, they just hit me with the “oh, I though you were busy” when I bring it up.
It’s always been like this, I feel like I just can’t fit in with people no matter where I go.
“Just find new friends.”
I wish it was that easy, but it’s never that easy when you’ve been in a “friend” group for that long.
Will I ever find people who will want me and include me for who I am? Will I ever be able to be in a group without constantly replaying each scene over in my head to see if I said anything that might offend them even a little? Will I ever have the privilege of not immediately thinking that I’ve done something wrong when I see them active in the group chat but ignoring my messages?
I don’t want to have to overthink everything all the time, I want to be in a group of friends who will include me and love me.
Sometimes I just wish they would ask.
“Are you free today?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Wanna hang out?”
But no, it’s always just me seeing that the group went and did something without me, and no one even mentioned it to me once. I know I’m not entitled to hang out with them all the time, but I just thought that since we were a “friend group,” that meant I might have been invited too.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest. Open to advice and tips, I don’t wanna feel like this anymore, it’s been like this for years and it hurts every time.