I have a 3 month old child who I absolutely adore. I can’t really accurately put into words how much she’s changed my life for the better. Seeing this cute little angel that shares your DNA look up and smile at you is one of the best feelings in the world. She gives my life more purpose than it had before and has led to me making some better life choices. But I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety and possible depression at the same time. It’s the weirdest thing and I can’t really put my finger on the root cause.
I just have this overall feeling like I’m not ‘on top’ of my life right now. I basically work and then every other spare minute is spent with my wife and child. We used to always try and eat healthy and exercise and now we’re lucky if we have time or energy to get groceries let alone excercise. We get about 50% or less of the sleep we used to and now that we’re down to one pay check, money is tighter. It feels like there’s more at stake in my life and I’ve opened up this whole other part of my brain where I’m constantly thinking about my daughter’s life and her future. I have all of these random deep life thoughts coming at me when I’m holding her. I start worrying about my parents getting older and if she’s going to remember them the way I remember my grandparents. I start worrying about my finances and having enough money saved up to put her through school. My hobbies no longer seem as important to me now and I don’t know why that is. I just don’t feel myself right now it feels like I just went into full Dad mode from 0 to 100. I was holding her last night and just tearing up thinking about how proud my grandparents would be and how she’ll never know who they are. I’m constantly worried about my parents getting older and her not remembering them. Just a bunch of deep thoughts like that.
I don’t know what’s happening but I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this stuff. It’s been hard to focus on my work at times and like I said my hobbies don’t seem to interest me right now. I’ve been going through almost depressive waves where it’s a struggle to function, I think it may be lack of sleep. Life just seems to mean more now and I’m feeling the weight of it. Also feels like we had to cut most of the fun stuff out of our life, travelling, concerts, drinking etc and now I just feel like I go to work to pay the bills. Which gives me weird anxiety about spending all my time at work and missing on seeing my daughter grow up.