Everything is great with us, but we do have one weak spot – communication.
There have been times where he has raised issues with me and I haven’t responded positively, either by shutting down or saying “I feel like I can’t do anything right”. I think hearing negative feedback is particularly hard for me after being in an abusive, unhealthy relationship.
In addition to that, I have a bad habit of needling him until he talks. He might say something in passing that sets my anxious attachment style off, and then I poke him to explain further, talk it out with me. That usually leads to a more explosive situation because he feels what he said was insignificant, but because I’m an anxious person I feel the need to dissect it all and talk it out to death. It usually ends with “this is why I don’t bring things up”.
I accept responsibility for not making it an environment that’s conducive to him wanting to bring issues to me, especially if I overreact or won’t drop something. Then, when he doesn’t tell me things I get upset with him for not communicating.
I know I put him in a “damned if I do damned if I don’t” position, and I want to change that. This relationship means a lot to me and I want him to feel happy and safe coming to me to talk about anything and everything.
Figuring out how to work on my own shit… that’s a whole other thing. Any tips for this?