Hello,
I am having a hard time coming to terms with people disliking me. I feel so alone. I understand why people don’t care for me. I am awkward, I am not relatable, I struggle to maintain conversation, and when I am sad and struggling, I really show it and it makes people so very uncomfortable and it seems as if they run in the opposite direction.
I, like everyone else, need to maintain a job to pay rent and put food on the table, but every job I’ve worked at, it feels as if a majority of the people dislike me. At every job, multiple people have gone out of their way to interfere with either my position or my income. Management has always taken my side, but it still hurts. At my most recent position, my coworkers exclude me from everything and make an effort to deliberately make my position more difficult. They say snarky comments to me, and say that I don’t count as an employee. And for the first time, my employer is also on their side and is very dismissive of me and my complaints of how uncomfortable they make me. They don’t hesitate to help each other and turn a blind eye when they make mistakes.
It hurts. I leave work crying most nights. I have panic attacks that have sent me to the ER several times this year. I’ve developed Severe panic disorder this year and almost got inpatient hospitalization because I couldn’t function due to my panic disorder. I don’t know what to do, I am afraid to leave this job and go to another job in which more people hate me. I’d work from home to avoid people but I also have dry eye disease so I can no longer work in front of a computer so that truly limits my career choices (call centers and computer work is where my current skill sets are.)
They treat me terribly and it sucks to spend most of my conscious hours around people who can’t stand me. My therapist is trying to help me come up with a position I could possibly look into, but it’s so difficult because of my dry eye. I can only do hands on positions to help save my eye sight. Anyways, I’m having the hardest time coping with these people who can’t stand me. I wish I wasn’t as awful as everyone makes me feel. People tell me I’m nice, kind, and caring, but there is no way they arnt lying because I wouldn’t be so alone in a world full of millions of people.