My mom (61F) has been asking me (31F) to plan a mother-daughter trip between the two of us. I have issues setting firm boundaries and being direct with my mother. We live across the country and I only see her ~4 times per year, but these visits almost always trigger my anxiety and leave me in a depressed state afterwards (due to a combo of the anticipation that something negative will happen, something negative happening, and/or feeling bad that I don't feel comfortable around my own mother). Sadly, I use my husband as an emotional support when meeting with her. At this point in our relationship, I wouldn't even consider going on a solo trip with her.
How can I tell her this directly?
Otherwise my tendency is to be passive and avoid the conversation– putting it off and being noncommittal for as long as possible. I'm wondering if there's a better way…
TL;DR My mom (61F) has been asking me (31F) to plan a mother-daughter trip between the two of us. I don't want to go because our relationship isn't great, and I think a trip could make it worse. How can I tell her that I don't want to go?