Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years, since we got back to college from covid.
Truthfully, we have had some ups and downs along the way, but I love her more than anything. I think when I was nearing graduation I was a bit lost and trying to get my life straightened out which took my priorities away from our relationship. I think because of this she overcompensated a little by becoming more attached while I became detached. I still feel awful about making her go through these times.
I graduated college and have spent about a year working full time now. I honestly hate my job and it has sucked the life out of me a bit. However, through it all, I have found that she is the more important to me than my career or anything else. I think we have swapped a bit, because now I think I’m a bit more dependent on her and she’s more focused on other things as she graduates college.
I recently asked about our long term future, which we haven’t discussed at length before, which she was unsure if she saw us in the long term. She says that commiting to a relationship is scary since she feels like we met so young and that we’re still young. I mean she is right, but I want to navigating growing up and building a life alongside her.
She also says it feels like we’re missing some excitement in our relationship. Some of this, I think I attribute to the fact that we haven’t had much progress in our relationship (such as moving in together, getting closer with each others friends/families, etc.) or talked at length about the future. We hang out a lot, we know each other really well, we sometimes hangout with each others friends, but – while have become very close – it feels like we haven’t made some of the normal progressions that are made in a relationship. I think some excitement in relationships should be progressing in the relationship and building a life together.
I also feel like being graduated has been eye-opening and has made me have a greater understanding of what is most important to me. I’m a little worried, since I think she’s excited to leave college and take on the world and might be feeling like I’ll weigh her down.
How can excitement be brought back to a relationship? Is it normal to feel a bit scared of a committed relationship when you graduate? Are there good ways to productively further this conversation so that we can grow our relationship while feeling like we can focus on our aspirations (maybe avoiding feeling too stuck or too safe in a relationship)?