Ever since meeting my in laws overseas, I keep getting told that. In fact that was the first thing I was told when I landed from the airport.
“Wow, you’re actually better than what we thought you’d look like in the pictures.”
Stunned. Dazed. “just wow. We thought you’d look much different.”
lol Gee thanks so much, you all made me feel like you saw me as a silverback gorilla from these photos you’ve seen of me. 😟
Or as if they all whispered “how ugly is she, damn” when they saw them, only to realize I’m maybe not that hideous ?
I just reply “heh thanks” but I wish I replied “gee was I that hideous? Haha”
Idk how to not be offended. Can anyone advise me how to just brush this off?
21 comments
This is a compliment in my opinion 🙂
It’s not the best compliment but I guess the assumption with many guys is that women are posting the very best pictures and angles of themselves. He most likely wanted to say, “you were beautiful in the pictures but you look even more beautiful in person”.
Some people are not photogenic. One of my friends is gorgeous in person, maybe one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met but she doesn’t photograph well at all. She’s average in photos and stunning in real life. I don’t know if she’s aware of this or if she thinks the photos reflect her.
Maybe you’re photos were just that unflattering
I look super bad in photos. I just know I look way better in real life. It’s annoying.
They think it’s a compliment. Try not to take it personally. It stings, trust me I know. When the masks started coming off after Covid, one of the first things my students said to me was in regards to how much better looking they thought I was. Now my whole life I’ve always considered my eyes to be my best feature, they are big and brown and doe-like, and I’ve always gotten compliments on my eyes. Every single guy that ever liked me has always commented on how pretty my eyes are. I think I look like a muppet but I do have pretty eyes.
Well apparantly with a face mask on my eyes are hideous because you would have thought I looked like Shrek with a mask on by the way the kids acted when they could see my whole face. The utter surprise: Miss you’re pretty! OMG you look so nice! You have a great face! and so on. It hurt my feelings for a minute, like, whole time I had a mask on you thought I was an ugly beast or something, WTF did y’all think I looked like, you could see my pretty eyes lol
I resumed masking at school for medical reasons, so this year at my new school I made sure to put my photo on our classroom homepage and had pics of myself with my husband and kids on my desk. Pics where I thought I looked so cute! Well apparantely I’m also not as cute in pics as I thought either lol, because same surprised response to my face the few times I had my mask down and the kids could see me. My husband said it’s my whole face and charisma that makes me pretty, not just one thing like my eyes. I guess. So maybe it’s the same for you. Your in-laws saw your photo but it’s seeing you in person, in 3D, that really makes your beauty pop
could be the lens: https://old.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/q3h2j8/the_difference_a_lens_can_make_in_the_appearance/
If you are looking to be offended, then even trivial comments like these can feel too offensive. Best to not take such comments either personally or seriously.
Some people are not photogenic and its not something anyone can do something about. When someone says that, best to rise above it and “oh really? Thanks. I will take it as a compliment.”
Its how you react that matters.
Learn to take better photos?
My husband is super hot, but I’m probably the only person capable of taking a good pic of him. An ex friend of mine saw a pic of him before meeting him and thought he wasn’t good looking. Then she tried to sleep with him when she met him.
lol he hated her and told me what she was doing and I threw her outta my life so fast, but the point stands.
Same here. Photograph terribly and look far better in person.
I think I would take this as an awkward , not so eloquently said , “You’re even more beautiful in person “ you said they are overseas.. any chance there is a language barrier? Either way, definitely would take it as a compliment that was poorly executed lol.
Lady Diana was always called beautiful by people who saw her in person. Her pictures weren’t all that, though. Being photogenic/non photogenic is a real thing.
What they said was a bit tactless/awkward but personally I don’t think it’s anything to be offended about. I’d take it as a compliment
When my (now) husband sent photos home to his family to show them what I looked like when we started dating, they were all very complimentary about how I looked. They lived in a different country. They were so lovely that it made me super paranoid about meeting them because I felt like they’d be disappointed when they met me and realised I wasn’t that attractive.
Then his parents came and stayed with us for a while. They were still lovely, but were videoing everything to send back home, and they kept videoing me without me knowing – just walking past or talking, and I’d suddenly realise the camera was on. I got really upset as I imagined this whole scenario where they would go home and show the rest of the family the video and everyone would see how hideous (in my eyes) I was, and they’d be sitting around going, ‘Damn, I thought she was pretty from the photos!’
I even asked my then boyfriend (now husband) to have a word and tell them not to video me. They were confused and basically ignored that. He thought I was crazy, and didn’t understand at all. I remember being so upset about it all.
Now 20+ years on – yeah I was crazy. I was just super self-conscious about how I looked, and couldn’t believe they would think I looked good. I’m not sure why – just an early 20s insecure thing I think. I’m not sure how old you are OP, but I remember those feelings so well of latching onto a perceived insult and taking it to heart, and it’s because you don’t feel that confident in yourself deep down so it just reinforces what you’re thinking at times.
It will pass with time, and you may even laugh about with your in-laws depending on how your relationship grows. (‘Remember that time you said I looked hideous in my photos?’ ‘Sarah, that is NOT what we said!’)
They think you look lovely – hold onto that. When you’re my age chances are you will look back at photos and go, ‘I wasted so much time thinking I was fat/ unattractive/ whatever, but I was a hottie!!!!’ It’s such a shame we don’t always realise our power at the time.
There is a significant difference between a picture of a person and a live person. There are a lot of people that look great in pictures vs real life.
Pictures are just pictures. 2d representations with the illusion of many other dimensions that cannot be captured in a pic. They don’t give an accurate portrayal of resting emotional state. They don’t accurately portray physical stature / posture.
Take the comment as a compliment, nothing more and nothing less.
That’s wild people would say that….
I am not photogenic at all. And look average in person most of the times
I used to have a job where i saw a lot of people’s driver licenses and sometimes people were insecure about their photos and felt the need to apologize for them or point them out. I always said I’d personally rather look better irl than the other way around and they always brightened right up 🙂 maybe think of it that way?
I am not photogenic at all. I look either stiff and awkward or overly smiley and face scrunched with gums and weird teeth showing. But when people meet me in person they always tell me I look different from my pictures. I don’t take it as an insult. I know I don’t photograph well- especially as I’ve gained weight. I just become more awkward.
You don’t have to just brush it off. You could tell them how it made you feel, and let that be your closure. It’s really rude imo. I’ve had guys I’ve gone on dates with say this about me…how I look much better in person and I’m like 😯 genuinely shocked cause tf you tryna say?! People think it’s a compliment but it’s NOTTT!
Edit: typo