My (28F) girlfriend is mad I (30M) decided to go into work one-week earlier because my co-worker was nagging me.
Reddit, I need your help. My girlfriend and I cannot settle this debacle, and are on the verge of breaking up. We're not hoping to find out who is right, or wrong, but instead hoping to gain insight whose methodology is flawed. Please help us settle this debate.
I (30M) started a new role in May 2024 that would have required me to go into work one-day a week, on Wednesdays typically. However, because I was attending graduate-school at the time, I asked my recruiter if I could be on-boarded remotely, either until I graduated, or finished with finals, because it would have been difficult to manage both going in and balancing night classes and an intense school-courseload. My recruiter agreed, and kindly allowed me to start going in the first-week of June, per my request, which was echo'ed by my manager and my manager's manager upon when I started the role officially. Naturally, I also dislike going in physically to work, so this was an added benefit, who doesn't like working-from-home, right? I very much prefer working-from-home.
I started with another co-worker (32F) who is one-level lower then me, but did not have that luxury, and has been going in every Wednesday, per the agreement at my job. She doesn't mind going in, but was getting irritated that not many people made the trek similar to her. Some context is that only new hires hired in 2024 had to abide with the return-to-work policy; everyone else hired before, or in the year of 2023 was legacy-employees or grandfathered into the remote/virtual work-from-home. Throughout the month, my colleague and I have been on-boarding into our respective roles, sitting into many of the same meetings, with her going in every Wednesday, and me working-from-home.
On the fourth week of my on-boarding, my (28F) girlfriend overheard a small exchange between my colleague and I on a Slack huddle. My work colleague asked me if I had any intentions of going into work. She has made it a habit to ask me every week, on Tuesday if I had any desire into showing up the next day on Wednesday.
I did not disclose to my work colleague that I was allowed by the recruiter to work-from-home for the first-month, but I did tell my work colleague in the moment that when she asked, due to my finals and graduate-schooling, I would wait until I completed all of my finals before going in, since it would be easier for my schedule. By the third-week of May, I had completed all of my school-obligations, so I was just waiting for the first-week of June to start going in. My work-colleague knew this, but again, asked me third-week of May, and I said, not yet.
Some context is that my work-colleague enjoys an environment where more people go to work, because she enjoys more activity, more presence, and also didn't enjoy the effort she puts into being presentable, going into work, and making the trek, if others don't abide that policy. While my work colleague disclosed this to me, I still knew I was exempt from this, for the first-month.
The last-week of May, she asked me again if I was going in and my girlfriend who normally is on FaceTime with me typically throughout the day, over-heard our exchange. I basically told my work-colleague that "I would keep her in suspense." Although I didn't have to go to work until next Wednesday which would have been the first of June, I had considered it on Tuesday when she asked. By Wednesday-morning, I was prepared to go into work, a week ahead of what I was promised. Although I was exempt this last-week too, I figured it couldn't hurt to go in one-week earlier, and by that point, I had been done with a majority of my finals. I was just waiting to go into work, and my girlfriend and I had made plans to see each other Wednesday evening. My going into work would not have impeded my ability to see my girlfriend or not.
Here's where the story changes.
My girlfriend that night (28F) on Tuesday told me she over-heard that conversation between me (30M) and my work-colleague (28F), and told me she was really mad at me. Her reasons for being mad are that while I did not contemplate going into work at all, my work-colleague nagging me essentially made me consider differently. She also dislikes that I even thought about going in for some "b-tch" as she refers to her, and also, how I am unable to make decisions by myself, or am easily swayed by other's contempt. She didn't appreciate how I would have changed what I wanted to do myself, because my coworker nagged me.
I tried to advise her that while my work colleague nagging me was uncomfortable, I also wanted to go to work, and it would have been easier to see my girlfriend, that Wednesday. I had no problem, and I didn't mind, if it meant I could make all parties happy; girlfriend, work colleague, manager, employer, etc.
Reddit, the question is this:
– Am I wrong to have prioritized my work-colleague's feelings, over my girlfriend? Is this how anyone sees this above situation?
– Is my girlfriend fair to feel like I changed what I wanted to do, for some "b-tch?"
– Am I unfair for my reasoning?
– Is my girlfriend within her right to break up with me over this situation?
– Does my girlfriend (28F) have a right to be mad/break up with me (30M) because I decided to go into work one-week earlier?
TLDR: My girlfriend thinks and is mad at me because I prioritized some coworkers feelings over my own, by going into work one-week earlier, because she was nagging me.