What would you guys do, l a (M27)dated a (F29) from canada. She still hang out with her exes, and one night she said she was going to a dinner with one of them, which i voiced concerned and she had gotten angry and said to stop being insecure about it.
Then left for a good 4-5 hours. Which when she got back i made a remark about “that must be one long dinner” which she got mad again and just went silent. Etc few months after she changed and said that she needs a break, which i once again said “why not just talk it out?”
Then her blaming i have a temper problem, which was only cause she kept insisting i was finding a replacement if i ever made any new female friends, along with if i didn’t agree with the break I just wanna argue, so I gave in. Along with another one she had made a whole new social media account for some reason just to message me. And after a year l asked if i could see her real account which she just said no need since she doesn’t use it anymore.
Two weeks later she said she wanted to break up but we could still be friends, along with trying to guilt me saying that if it didn’t work out I had promised we could still be friends. l played along and said sure, which she than went back to normal after months of being distant. Again i pointed out how fast and eager she was.
TLDR: Asking if i should of handled it differently. Or handle it better
1 comment
are you sure the two of you are on the same page about your relationship status? have you had a frank conversation about exclusivity and expectations?
it sounds to me like she sees you as a long distance FWB and you see her as a girlfriend. it also sounds like your uncertainty about this situation is leading you to lash out at her with passive aggressive statements to try and affect her feelings when you feel hurt. while i understand the impulse, it’s not a mature, nor productive, nor attractive trait in any kind of relationship, and i strongly encourage you to instead try the more difficult and vulnerable path of letting her know how her actions make you feel, which will give her a chance to explain or change her behavior (or to not do so! how she reacts is up to her).
ultimately though, i’m not really sure what it is you’re trying to save here. you seem to want more out of this than she does and are punishing her for not meeting your expectations. it doesn’t sound healthy or worth salvaging to me, especially given the distance. if you have had the conversation i mentioned up top about status and exclusivity she doesn’t seem to be honoring it, and if you haven’t she seems to be sending clear signals that you need to discuss between the two of you.