What’s the worst speech from a best man you’ve heard at a wedding?

30 comments

1. First line was something along the lines of “I haven’t really been in touch with him since school and was surprised to be asked to be his best man …”

2. My brother refused to give one because of a mix of nerves, hangover and acid reflux.

3. The best man had clearly googled “best man speech jokes” and was reading out the first list he found. 

4. Let’s just say the best man thought it was a roast instead of a toast!

5. Not a best man but my uncle gave a speech at my cousins his sons wedding it went on for almost 1 hour no exaggeration everyone was bored by the end . My grandpa tried making a joke to my grandma something like my gosh he can talk but my uncle heard and started shouting at my grandpa. Everyone took my grandpa’s side though and to this day its a joke in the family about how long he can talk for

6. One wedding about 20 years ago we went to, all the speeches were really cringey. All I remember was the father of the bride gave the groom condoms during his speech.

7. Oh, let me tell you, the worst best man speech I’ve ever heard was when the guy started roasting the groom way too hard, like he was trying to audition for a comedy special instead of giving a heartfelt toast.

8. Guy I know gave his best man’s speech with one ball peeking out his zipper for £500 😂

9. Entire speech was hating on the grooms exes, saying that they were all high maintenance because they were slim and beautiful, and how he’s sure this marriage will last because the bride isnt the kind of girl anyone will try to steal

10. I went to a wedding where there were 2 best men. They decided to do a Mr & Mrs quiz instead of a traditional speech. The questions seemed solely focused on humiliating the bride. It wasn’t funny and no-one was laughing.

    At the same wedding the father of the bride was given his speech by the mother of the bride at the point of giving the speech. He had obviously never read it before and started questioning the anecdotes while reading it.

    When it came to the gifts, they had given all the bridesmaids an orchid, but any males were given a crate of beer. Only problem was that the crates had been opened by the brides family and were missing multiple cans.

    The wedding was a mess, it cost over £20k and there were members of both families who turned up in their Sunday trackies.

    No surprise they divorced a few years later.

    Surprise though: the groom was having an affair with the wife of one of his best men.

11. My wedding. My “best” man got completely destroyed by 3pm and stood up, pointed at me, said “LEGEND!” Then fell over onto his wife. It was fekkin hilarious though to be fair…

12. This was the wedding of two friends of mine and the best man was also a friend. We all went to uni together. The couple and best man were VERY close throughout uni. What I mean by that is they used to have ‘sleepovers’ and at one stage were pretty much accepted as a throuple. On nights out you’d see her getting off with both of them and they’d go home holding hands. This was maybe we were 18/19 years old. Wedding happened 10 years later, bride and groom had been a traditional couple for years by then. Best man alludes to sleepovers and their throuple period throughout his speech. It’s obvious both families had no idea and the couple were mortified.

13. I’m a wedding photographer so I’ve heard a lot of best men speeches. One from a few years ago droned on about the most inane crap for 45 minutes. At one point he thanked the man who drove the mini-bus to the stag door.

    But the worst was definitely a few weeks ago. He was the groom’s brother and I was told he was “a bit of a wildcard”.He opened with “My name is Mark and I like to fuck.” But his second line was a cracker, that being best man was likely going to be his greatest achievement in life and he was going to make a certificate for himself and frame it. 

    Then it went downhill. The bride’s mother was single, and he said he was hoping to bang her by the end of the night, and the bride’s granny (grandad was there), and he’d consider pushing the groom down the stairs sometime so he could have a go at the bride. 

    So much swearing and the first time I’ve heard anyone use the c-word in a wedding speech. He was told to move on a few times, and a couple of times he stopped himself from saying things, so I can’t imagine how awful they were.

    We were both glad we could lift our cameras up to hide our faces, it was so cringe.

14. The best man cried into a stolen pair of the brides knickers

15. Not the best man, but the father of the brides speech went along the lines of “I’ve never liked the groom, and I think this marriage will last at best 1 year. I didn’t want to do a speech but I paid for this wedding so here we are”

16. The best man tried for humour in his speech by alluding to the number of men that the bride had slept with. Apparently this was true but according to the very trad Irish Catholic family of the bride she was married completely unsullied by the sweaty embrace of man. Drink was had, words followed and fist flew. It was destined not to last.

17. We had a wedding where the maid of honour gave a speech. She ignored anything to do with the wedding and gave her valedictorian speech from when she graduated a couple of months prior.

18. Not a best man but the father of the bride. His speech went on for an hour, where he cried for half of that, about how his princess was all grown up and moving on and how proud and upset he was etc.

    It sucked all the life out of the wedding, it was awful

19. “(Groom) and I first met playing football at uni, where he was described by the University paper as being a midfielder with a predatory presence and a wicked touch in the box. Which is how they also described Jimmy Savile.”

    There was silence in the room apart from a noise I’ve never made before or since. 

20. I recall hearing a story about a guy that was getting married for the second time (having married and divorced someone else several years before).

    He chose the same best man.

    The best man opened his speech with “Well, well, well, James, here we are again!”

    Apparently the bride’s family looked absolutely mortified.

21. One I went to a few years ago the best man kept saying the grooms ex’s name instead of his now wife!

22. I used to work at weddings and I remember once the best man asked us to wheel out a mannequin wearing a full gimp costume during his speech as a joke which didn’t really go down well with the parents and grandparents and the bride and groom looked absolutely horrified. It was just complete awkward silence.

23. One of my own best men who delivered what was clearly a light rewrite from a very bawdy 1970s book of best man speeches his dad had told him was hilarious. His speech was full of terrible jokes about infidelity and mother in laws and crude sexual innuendo (jokes about my wife juggling balls on our wedding night because I play tennis, etc)

    What made it worse is that my friend is a very shy nerdy guy and so delivered the speech in a half mumble and had absolutely no sense of comic timing, fluffing every punchline so that it just sounded like he was being mean!

    It was actually painful to watch but after the first few jokes fell totally flat and his nerves really took hold, some in the crowd sort of started fake laughing to encourage him a little, but that only freed others up to start groaning at the jokes and some started laughing about how awful it was.

    By the end i think his obvious nervousness and misreading of the room was so evident that he the crowd encouraged him on a lot more openly, so he didnt feel too awful about it. And he asked me after “was it OK?” so perhaps he hadnt realised quite how badly it had gone.

    The funny thing was for weeks prior hed been uncharacteristically boastful about how hed already done his speech and how everyone was going to love it. I think he had visions of himself as a stand-up and the place rocking with laughter

24. Groom’s mother had died when he was about 12.

    Sad news, maybe mention it, raise a glass and move on?

    Not this guy. Speech was about 30 minutes long, 20 of which were about how much the groom missed his mum, how special she was. I think there may have been a slideshow set to music at some point, but I might have hallucinated that.

25. Best man somehow veered off into a rant about Polish plumbers taking all his work.

26. Worst was probably when the best man told the audience that he was the person who had “taken the bride’s virginity” back in the day. Nobody laughed. Lots of audible gasps and awkward cringing. No idea what he was thinking!

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28. Guy I worked with few years back went to a Wedding and to say the Best Man did not ‘read the room’ is an understatement.

    Prequel – At stag night Groom was very drunk and passed out ( nothing unusual there) his mates thought it would be good laugh to undress him, lay him face down on the bed, stick a carrot up his arse then take pictures…Being passed out the groom knew nothing of this…

    Until during the best man’s speech he asked the people at the ‘Top Table’ to turn their table mats over … there was said pics stuck to the underside for the groom, bride, parents etc to see , at same time all the mates stood up, pulled carrots out their pockets and started waving them in air laughing.

    Parents on both sides were disgusted, and the bride started crying…

    What happened next caused a lot of debate as it whether it was right thing to do or not, I’m not getting into that just telling what happened – Groom stood up took the microphone off Best Man, pointed to him said “you” then at everyone holding carrots up in turn “you” , “you” ,…… “Leave” there was the expected ‘oh come on it was only a joke” etc but the Groom stood firm and basically threw his Best Man and 6 or so of his mates out his Wedding in middle of the speeches.

29. So I was best man for my mates wedding and was 2 years into sobriety and really struggling with crowds and was riddled with anxiety

    Managed to do the whole day , stood up to start the speech and as soon as I starting speaking a relative of the bride put a bottle in my face to ” steady the nerves ”

    I instantly felt like I wanted a drink so
    I just said into the microphone ” I’m sorry I can’t do this ” and walked out

    Felt awful for my mate and his family but staying sober was , and still is the most important thing

    He said a few days later that he and his wife read my speech and it was exactly what they wanted and he even apologized for putting me in that situation

    So yeah the worst speech was my speech of basically saying ” I can’t do this ” and then leaving 😂

30. “Ladies and gentlemen it’s traditional for the best man’s speech to be as long as it takes for him to make love to a beautiful woman . Thank you “