This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Ok well, the guy I’m supposed to talk to tomorrow (had an in person first date, but have to do a video call as the “second date” because he lives far away, have not been texting much in between) has not messaged to set up a time, so I guess I will message him today. I feel weird about it because he seemed like the more interested one and I wanted to try out taking a slightly less active role for once and also not expressing more interest than I feel because I’m still not sure if I’m into him. But… oh well.
I don’t know, another part of me is like, how much do I really want to do this – maybe I just take this as a chance to do a slow fade instead of forcing myself to give the second date a shot? Buuuut I do not have enough options to have the luxury of passing up a chance either.
2nd date went really well last night. She wants kids! I feel like most women I meet these days don’t. I was afraid I’d have to give up on that.
Only downside is she’s not free again until next week.
My super cute, wonderful FWB and I broke it off. I could tell he was starting to get romantically interested so I told him we had to talk, and we decided we had to end it. I’m grateful he did not take me up on my offer to keep sleeping with him because I’d have gone with it and then it would have really hurt him later.
It sucks because he’s everything I’d want in a partner–nerdy, social, well-rounded, fun conversationalist, professionally stable, so cute, fit and muscular, motivated, good in bed, shares sexual interests, great hair, cute dog, excellent cook, nice to me, communicative and articulate about his feelings and needs, has lots of interests and a good life with friends, wants and is ready for a relationship, and I genuinely enjoy him and find him attractive. He’s so my type, and so appealing in many meaningful ways with no dealbreakers or anything that I’m put off by, and yet I didn’t feel anything like real physical or romantic attraction. 🙁 I felt like part of me was detached during sex, like I was observing the events so I could play my part correctly and make him happy (which is something I’ve felt before with others). It wasn’t his fault at all, he was always very considerate and a good sex partner.
Before, I hadn’t ruled out the possibility that I could meet a man I’d be romantically interested in. I’d had boyfriends before realizing I was mainly interested in women. And I thought maybe I could get some needs met by sleeping with a guy while I get my head screwed back on straight after getting dumped by my girlfriend. But if I’m not interested in this awesome guy whose face and dick and personality I like, then I just don’t know 😕
A month later and I find myself in the same spot: grieving, confused, blaming myself, and stuck in the cycle after trying to get over the breakup in toxic-reboundy ways via dating apps –recently deleted and 0 rebound lol
So hard not think about someone I gave my all to. I’ve been trying to find motivation to keep going by staying busy with golf and the gym, yet she’s still living rent free in my head. I signed up for another golf tournament to steer my focus to something else but I’m reminded of her bc she encouraged me to sign up for them 🙁
I had moments of weakness and checked my ex’s IG stories all week (smh) …She looked great and happy. I stopped myself from messaging her. Doing my best not think about the whys, what ifs, if she’s even thinking about me or misses me, if shes getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, getting enough protein in her diet etc. My mind’s been rampant with questions… Some days are easier than others and journaling’s been therapeutic. One hour at a time I guess.
I miss you SRF.
How did you decide whether to try to be friends with an ex?
I (30F) am relatively new to the city where I live and while I feel like my life is generally good on paper, very few of my friends and family are local to where I live so I’m just kind of lonely. This has had me thinking about reaching out to some of the guys I’ve dated in this city, since at least they’re local and I’m not having much luck finding anyone new to date haha. It also feels near impossible to make new friends so now I’m here hoping to get some second opinions on whether this could be an okay idea…
1. **How did you decide whether to reach out to an ex to be their friend?**
1. Does it matter if you were the dumper/dumped in reaching out?
2. Is there a minimum/maximum amount of time that should have passed?
3. Does it matter if you were in a relationship vs. just casually dating?
2. **If an ex has reached out to you to be their friend how did you decide whether to take them up on their offer of friendship?**
Every woman on hinge can’t get enough of “roasting each other until it’s borderline bullying”
I swear it’s one of the most common prompt responses on the app
Ask any of these women their love language and words of affirmation ranks high
Make it make sense
I have 7 ongoing Hinge conversations right now. Not superficial chatting either, but drawn out messages. It’s the most at once in a long time. Something is working, so I’m going with it.
My fwb checked in with me about my loneliness, which I thought was kind of sweet. I’m finding dates but having a hard time making friends since moving here about a year ago. Home stretch until the end of my work contract, but it’s been tough.
He didn’t offer any empathy, sympathy, or kindness though which seemed off. It was weird to just kind of ask for an update and not reply but it’s whatever. He texted me late last night to tell me that he didn’t respond back because his group of friends picked him up, picked his clothes out, took him to a show and paid for his drinks. That he feels like he has a second family in them and what not. Had he maybe put a connecting thought in there like “wow that sucks, and makes me feel more grateful for . . .” or “hey I was in that same place and this happened” I would feel differently. I feel a bit negged though.
I’m just not going to respond. I don’t think he was being consciously malicious but that was just dumb of him.
Update [see previous](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1d76k1c/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/l6z1mc2/)
Dinner date at home went well. P said she loved my cooking. She wasn’t feeling her best but didn’t want to cancel, so we kept it low-energy and cuddled with some wine and TV. I’m seeing her again after my show this week, and apparently she’s invited a friend and some family to come watch. I’m curious to hear what they think.
It’s been twice now though, where she’s showing me a meme/clip on her phone and it blows up with Hinge notifications. It’s probably carelessness but it takes me out of the moment. I make sure to mute the apps if I’m on a date. I’ll continue to see other people for now and see what develops.
I have a date tomorrow that I’m really excited about…and also a huge, inflamed, angry pimple on my chin 🥲
So I think I found something that could work for me in the second half of the year. Basically making my dating approach more like speed dating, which is something I’m really starting to enjoy:
1. Go to at least one speed dating event a month.
2. Quitting all swipe/match with folks 24/7 apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) in favor of “slower” dating apps, namely The League and Coffee Meets Bagel. Basically choosing apps that will offer a finite amount of singles at a certain time each day, and once you’re done, there’s no more until the next day. Pretty much the closest, strictest way to keep the apps to a speed dating-esque ethos.
3. If I do feel an itch to go one more time on a swipe app (FOMO), channel that energy into doing a Duolingo Spanish lesson or three until it goes away.
Has anyone ever had a crush on someone but there was another single person who felt like a threat? I don’t want it to feel that way, we are all in the same circle of people, but I worry they may like this person too. Idk. Is that weird?
just ended a 6 month relationship :/
while I know I messed up in some areas and can’t blame my ex for my bad behaviors, i never exhibited them with the two previous men i dated. im stuck between wondering if i should take a break to get more on track with myself about how i want to enter my next relationship, but damn it was hella difficult to date someone who was so defensive and never made space for my perspectives and feelings.
we had such great chemistry but i guess its back to the wild for me. feeling very hopeful at least 🙂
Nooo the guy I went on a second date with has ignored my last text… while I was waiting for reply I then shot my shot with someone I met at a festival the other weekend and he ALSO ignored my DM 🥲 people are mean!!
Date tonight with the Ukrainian. Even though it’s still very early, I feel like it’s a make or break night. She’s super blunt (cultural thing which is honestly refreshing) and has told me it feels like I’m tense and need to relax more around her. Which on one hand, that’s just dating – I’ve been burned many times before and it takes time to fully let my walls down. On the other hand, maybe I do need to learn to open up sooner and trust the process. Anyway, we’re going bowling which is generally a good way to keep things loose and fun so here’s hoping it goes well!
Unrelated: if anyone wants to see the video of my encounter with sea lions that I mentioned a few days ago I’ve posted it to my profile!
Advice: how to detach from the outcome/not get attached too quickly?
A lot of my friends recently got cuffed and/or engaged, and I’m one of the only single girls in my group. Dating has been rough for me this year- I had a 3 month relationship, 1 month fling, and a few dates that went nowhere. I now am talking to someone new that so far seems promising and have a second date, but I am trying not to attach to the outcome.
But it’s difficult because I do really want a relationship and haven’t had the most dating success lately. That being said I don’t want to turn someone off either by coming off as too desperate so I’m playing things a bit cool and talking to other people.
I never realized how much woman care about a man’s head of hair 😂. Since I was last on the market, I developed a big bald spot on top and have been shaving my head. I’m not gonna lie the women I’m matching with now are definitely way less attractive than woman I was matching with when I had hair!
I thought maybe it was just an age thing. But since I’ve moved back to my old city, two wives of my old friends who I haven’t seen in a long time have immediately said something like “omg what happened to your hair! why don’t you grow it back out!”.
I thought (and still think) bald looks badass, but man, part of me wishes I took the meds to try to keep my hair!!
I suppose there is a large chasm between what a man thinks looks “badass” and what a woman thinks is “attractive”. I recall all the times in my life I’ve heard awoman say something like peak Arnold (or some other beefy dude) is not sexy and I’m thinking “that is the most attractive I could possibly imagine a man, he looks badass!”
Looking back on it, my ex was pretty bothered when I had to start shaving, but she was too nice to really say anything about it 😂
Where do people land on telling their partner if someone propositions/overtly flirts with you? I have nothing to hide but not sure if it’s worth giving her anxiety seeing how it’s a total non issue to me. Besides when I put myself in her shoes I don’t need to hear about every guy that hits on her, it would likely be unpleasant.
OTOH transparency is always a good thing….
Anyone willing to comment on there thoughts about age range for dating? I recently started on this sub and in my first comment gave my preferred age range. I was informed many people disagree with it.
I have been out of the dating game for over a decade I have no idea what people think is acceptable. I am just asking for context.
Met a girl I really liked about a month and a half ago; we’ve gone out four times and slept together last time. We have a lot in common, she’s very attractive, I have fun with her when I’m with her, but she made it clear last time she “doesn’t know what she’s looking for” and is “trying to take things slow”. This is disappointing to me but I said it’s fine, since she’s hot and it’s fun hanging out and I’d rather not just cut it off.
Her behavior is pretty much in line with what she told me: She takes a long time to respond to texts, if I ask to make plans she says she’s only available a long time from now (like “I’m busy, I am available in 8 or 9 days), she doesn’t really initiate plans with me. It’s clear I’m not really prioritized at all, which was frustrating at first, but I’ve adjusted my expectations now that I understand where her head is at. That’s fine as I’m still dating/searching for other people on my end.
My question is: How much energy do I “invest” in this if I want to keep it going as is? Like…not sure how much to really text her jokey/flirty things, if she isn’t going to reciprocate much. Or not sure how much to “plan” our next hang out – as I have been previously – if she’s “not sure what she’s looking for”…part of me wants to just say, ok, your place or mine? At the same time, don’t want to just let this all die on the vine. Seems like she is definitely not interested in booty calls given her whole “sorry but I’m only available next week” mindset.
WWYD?
Guy I’ve been seeing is coming my direction (we’re 1.5hrs apart) for our next date, and it’s in my hometown. Our other dates have been in between or in the city where he lives. Based on what we’re doing for the date, he may end up meeting my folks. Is just over a month too early to be meeting family?
I just discovered that my ex got married this past weekend. The news has consumed me all of yesterday and today. I was shocked how much I was affected. We broke up merely 10 months ago. It’s probably the same girl I caught him texting. I wish, I truly wish this was something I could brush off, but I’m disappointed in myself that I’m letting myself feel this way. He broke my heart. ughhhhh
Been seeing a guy for months and it looks like I’m finally going to meet his friend group this Friday. I’m both excited and mildly terrified. Lol
Why are people matching with me and then messaging ‘hey’ or nothing at all. It’s putting all the work on me and I feel like if I message them they’ll just ghost anyway because they’re clearly not serious.
Met a guy, went on dates, he realized I date to get married, pulled the “I don’t do relationships card”, later became good friends with him and hang out multiple times a week, he keeps asking me about my “dates”, if I go on dates dates and recently we were in a group setting where I was showing another friend this long conversation with a guy on a dating app, which then he (the guy I went on dates with previously) pulls the phone from my hand to see the conversation and asks how the guy on the app looks in a panic tone, gets jealous he was calling me “my love” on the chat… I pulled the phone back and was extremely confused by his reaction/interaction. Are men generally jealous/ possessive or does this behavior indicate he secretly like me (beyond our friendship)?
I’m open to casual intimacy at the moment, because I’m tired of taking dating so seriously. However, every time I match with men who want to be casual, they immediately want to start sexting and making plans to hook up. I don’t even know if I want to sleep with them until meeting and I’m uncomfortable with sexts and pics until I know we have physical attraction IRL!
Is that too much to ask? Do I need to accept that casual dating on the apps means sexual discussions from the jump?
When on 3 great dates- 5hrs, 4hrs, and 8hrs. Held hands and kissed a lot on date 3. Everything felt so natural and exciting. At the end of the third date he asked me what my week looked like. We started planning a 4th date over text. Then 2 days, he took 24hrs to respond, then says “I don’t think I want to continue in a romantic capacity. I think we’d be excellent friends”. I am completely blindsided. With other people I’ve been able to see incompatibilities and we’ve discussed stopping seeing each other.
I’ve been single for 5 years, taken breaks from dating, and all my single friends very quickly found partners. This hurts especially since he’s the first person I’ve been excited to date in a year and we’ve already casually talked about religion and kids and were on the same page (the usually deal-breakers). I don’t know if I want to wallow and be sad, or be angry and get back out there.
Weirdly nervous about a 4th date tonight of all things. Not like butterflies, happy more like don’t fuck this up nervous
After 6+ months of not seeing my FWB we were able to connect this week, and it was really nice to have some intimacy and cuddles. A day or so later, a different FWB from 1+ years ago reached out, and suddenly i’m like ..”Huh!”
I’m not dating or trying to date, so this works out nicely.
In other news, I finally bit the bullet today and got some anxiety meds. It’s been getting harder and harder for me to manage, so hopefully i’ll be on track to not being ruled by anxiety all the time.
I’m feeling tempted to download Bumble, but I know I’ll get exhausted after 24h on the app. I’ve been off the apps for almost 3 months.
2024 OLD dates so far:
*Irish guy: he was nice, not my type physically. I was heartbroken when I met him.
*Art Guy: he was my type physically, nice vibe, but he wanted to N&C for our second date.
*Spanish guy: asked if I wanted to have sex with him 1 hour into our first date. I also think he was farting on our date.
*Separated Guy is a massive red flag, I’m glad I ran away.
Guys, I met in person:
*Portuguese guy: lots of things in common, not my type physically.I politely declined his dinner invitation, and he was trying to push other plans.
*Australian guy: cute and athletic. I cancelled our plans last-minute because I felt I wasn’t in the right mental place.
*British guy: I could spread him on a craker and eat him 24/ 7. It’s not gonna happen.
I get thousands of likes every time I’m on Bumble, but I only end up matching with less than 10 guys. I’d like a man, but I’m feeling at peace, and I’m terrified of someone coming to my life to burst my bubble and mess up my progress. I don’t wanna be the mess I was 6 months ago.
I really want to post my profile for some honest criticism from women but I am terrified of it being screenshotted and being on the internet forever! Is there any middle ground here? Maybe DM a handful of people as opposed to a public post?
Ended things last night with guy I’ve been seeing for 3.5 months. He’d been dating and having sex with another woman the entire time. Early on I told him that multi-dating was a dealbreaker for me, and for the past two months he was dodging exclusivity, saying he wanted to take things slow after being cheated on in his last relationship which ended a year ago. I was fine with that, because during every conversation he assured me he wasn’t dating or sleeping with anyone else.
I’ve encountered the woman before. She used a key to enter his apartment to return items of his, and we happened to be there having sex at the time. She entered the bedroom area and said “Hello, overorange”, which was extremely awkward and out of line. The coverup lie he told me was he had broken up with her a week after we started dating, she had been wanting to return the items/key, and he kept telling her he didn’t want them back but she did so anyway. In the following weeks he maintained that he wasn’t interested in her and didn’t want to see her again, was not responding to her, but she kept trying to contact him and insert herself into his friend group, but he would not block her.
I got a completely different version of the story and timeline last night, which likely isn’t the full truth either. He said he met both of us the same week, was dating us at the same time, and eventually she broke up with him then wanted to get back together. The LOL for me was him acting as if taking her back was a favor, because she was so persistent in her attempts, and stayed with me because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Proud of myself for not shedding a tear over this, and handling last night quite calmly. Couldn’t sleep though, my brain was trying to reconcile everything he’s said and if anything we shared was real.
Yesterday I posted about finding out a guy I was talking to was a registered sex offender. Against advice and my own first thought of ghosting I let curiosity get the best of me and decided to ask him about it, mostly because he really seemed like he had his sh*t together and I am a bit of true crime/wrongful convictions fanatic. I have had issues with being falsely accused of some things as well(thankfully more minor things with my crazy neighbor like ‘weeds’ in my garden and ‘stealing’ a package that was delivered to my house…but even those were insanely stressful and costly to deal with) and think our legal system is heavily flawed and corrupt so wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. I am by no means the type of woman attracted to bad boys or the type to find serial killers attractive or anything like that, there was just something about him that made me think there had to be an explanation.
He had a super long and detailed story about how his angry ex basically framed him and a shitty lawyer that convinced him he would get 30 years if it went to trial and only serve a year and a half if he plead guilty even though the minimum for the crime(texting a minor explicit images) is a 5 year sentence in that state. I honestly believed him, his account was so detailed and matched what I found online and while he clearly stood by his innocence he didn’t bash his ex or demonize her because he said he learned in prison that holding grudges only makes things worse yadda yadda yadda. We talked a lot about his childhood and the struggles he has faced and I was honestly blown away that he’s been so successful in life as he’s been through a lot of trauma and he has only been out of prison for 5 years. We connected on a few things and I was seriously considering meeting him and seeing where things went despite it all.
And then he casually dropped that he’s ethically non-monogamous. He has a mostly asexual nesting partner that lives in his house and he also owns the house next door where his other partner lives and he supports both of them and is the ‘only responsible adult’ in the picture. He did not mention that at all on his profile. The craziest part is that I have dabbled in non-monogamy and am not entirely opposed to it. BUT the lack of disclosure on his profile mixed with everything else was the massive giant red flag I needed to realize this dude is an insanely adept manipulator and no good would come from trying to date him. What a wild ride the last couple of days have been. And now I’m really questioning my ability to judge folks through online dating. Ugh, I feel like an idiot.
In visualization session today, when my instructor asked everyone to close our eyes, to feel warm and safe, to visualize our future after the class, it could be personal and professional future. I felt whole and warm after taking this course, I knew my heart said yes with new career I recently jumped in. And then, I saw my boyfriend became my life partner in the future, and we even had two kids! OMGGGGGG.
Okay, to be fair, I like him a lot, and I also don’t like some personalities and traits from him. I’m not head over heels for my boyfriend. I feel peaceful to be with him, I enjoy his company. I am not sure if I love him yet, but I am pretty to sure I’m not scared of having him in my life. There were several relationships that I had to run after imagining to spend the rest of my life with them.
Should I let him know as I usually share what I like from my weekly class or should I just keep this silly moment for myself? I don’t want to lead him on thinking I’m hinting something. 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣
I got a reply from the person in my previous daily sticky comment. Saying he’s very regretful, that I’m right to berate him, and he doesn’t meet people who are as engaging as me, and he got sidetracked when we previously made plans. I explained I am also very busy, but i follow up on plans and I deserve people around me who respect my time and feelings, and it’s all too late. He said he wants to reconnect since there’s too much synergy between how we live, our work, our interests, and I didn’t bother replying any further, which he saw since we’re talking on IG (I have read receipts disabled anywhere else) Then about three hours later he added: ‘Was thinking it would been nice to hang out again and talk about interesting things. Plus you’re hot goddamn it!’ Which was just no. No real accountability or taking responsibility for being such an unreliable person. I’m just not interested. You had your shot, you blew it. I then gave you another one because you caught me at the right time and again there was no follow up to plans and no clear communication. Mate, you’re out.
Can’t deny it feels nice to have someone beg for another chance because I’m awesome. Note to self: Part of why I’m awesome is that I don’t give in, and regardless of how impressive or attractive someone is, I won’t lower my standards.
Had my first date with the photographer. He looks just like his photos and has a great face and a great smile. Good eyes as well. We talked for a few hours and it was very easy and very flowing. I go by the philosophy that first meets are for assessing whether we’re able to enjoy each other’s company and we sure did. Didn’t talk about ex’s or his situation since he has a kid, but I don’t care that early on what’s the story – just if I enjoy being around him, if I can talk to him, if he’s interesting and also if we’re able to laugh. All checks. Both expressed wanting to see each other again. We mostly spoke about dumb youth stories, drugs, general life philosophy, music, it was great fun. We stood by his car for a while when it was time to part ways, had a very long hug goodbye that turned into a careful kiss, that turned into ‘I don’t care about my lipstick anymore’ and a proper kiss. I enjoyed it. He texted when he got home, we touched base, reflected on the date and both said it was good, then he added I’m very pretty and have beautiful eyes, and kissing me was amazing. He’s lovely. So far so good.
I had a date arranged this evening with this really lush sporty girl who I know through work (she works in the same industry).. we got on really well through phone and text but the morning of the date she sends me a message saying she’s not ready to date and wants to cancel.. disappointing but I send her a little message telling her I understand and wish her all the best. So I’ve drawn a line under that and feeling a bit dejected later in the day I decide to finally ask out the cute girl who I sometimes work with it, takes me a while to pluck up the courage but I do send her an email asking her out. Pretty much as soon as I push send sporty girl sends me a text asking how I am doing.. like wtf? We end up in a text convo for the whole night and she apologised for today and it’s clear she wants to meet. Anyway now I feel really bad as I’ve got sporty girl wanting to meet me for a date and I’ve just asked out another girl. Worse we all work in the same industry in the same town so everyone knows everyone else’s business. So now I feel I’ve sabotaged two potential relationships before they have even begun!
At the local watering hole last weekend I met some folks who decided I was an interesting enough guy that they invited me out this Friday to meet a single friend of theirs. Never had something like this happen before but hey why not see where it goes? I’ve also almost never had a wingman IRL so even though I barely know any of these people it does feel kinda good that *someone* is eager to see if I hit it off with this lady.
After some less than stellar dating experiences, I’ve been purposely celibate/not looking for a relationship for a (long) while. I’ve recently decided to try to dip my toes back in the water. I keep having these romantic ideas of meeting someone organically. But between work (no chance there) and my introverted personality, I feel like that’s never going to happen.
So my question here is, has anyone had success meeting people in an organic way? Where did you meet? Is there any way to meet people other than OLD apps when you have a fairly busy life? I’ve done bumble and hinge before and I’m not opposed to them, but it can be really overwhelming. For context, I’m in a medium sized city in Pennsylvania so there are plenty of people around and opportunities I guess. But I’m new to town so learning about them and putting myself out there is a whole other thing.
Should I just put on my big girl panties and go for it (dating apps) anyway?