So for context, we have been dating for a year. We met on a dating app and hit it off straight away. We both explained what we wanted in a relationship, our love languages and red flags.
We are both strong communicators and are open to saying how we feel, and what is working and what isn't. We've both been in a few relationships so we know what we like and what we don't like.
For her, it was acts of kindness, words of affirmation and physical touch.
For me, they are acts of kindness and quality time.
The relationship started great (they all do). I tailored dates and outings to her interests, and took her out to eat the cuisines she liked and craved (they weren't all fancy restaurants, some were). However, 6 months into the relationship she states that I don't love her. She is afraid that I will leave her and I am only here for the sex. This isn't true, as I did everything in my mind that would make her feel special and loved,
I told her this wasn't the case, and she said 'Why don't you say you love me'. I was taken aback by this, cause it's true I haven't said that to her, We discussed this and I realised, i was lacking in this so I ended every evening with 'Love you' and saying it randomly as words of affirmation. At times i didn't say it… i just forget throughout the day especially when I'm smashed with work
I bought her flowers 4 times over the year and she seems to feel that i should do it more often (her memory may have gotten the best of her as she said i've only done it twice). I pushed back on this and said, what are your expectations? She goes my colleague buys his wife flowers every time he picks her up. I explained that it wasn't something I would do. Flowers 3 or 4 times a week isn't financially viable. Do you want a home deposit for our future or flowers every week?
Now I don't think she meant she wanted them that frequently, I believe this is coming from her unsure if I was committed. Truth be told, this is only girl I dated that I actually saw a long-term future with.
Also, one key thing we argued about is instagram. She always wanted me to post her. I posted stories of her, but not actual posts. We also went overseas with each other and i think her expectation was that I post photos of her as she did on hers. I think this is something i believe compounded over time as she is from the IG generation and it gives them validation.
Instagram is something that has come up more than i can count. Me posting her, i'm not a huge social media person. I use IG, but for memes and random posts.
For my birthday, she went out of her way to plan a week for me, that included something i really wanted to do, a gift, and dinner at a high-end restaurant that specialised in my favourite cuisine.
I reciprocated this by planning something grand, in the back ground with 2 of her friends helping to organise a gift, event, and I got a booking at a restaurant she has ALWAYS wanted to try – it's just very hard to get a reservation without booking 4 months in advance.
Anyways, we argued about the above romance issue. I got sick of it, As in my eyes i was trying my best doing, things that I believe was tailored to her to build an experience she won't forget. I think she feels, it's too little to late. Her idea of romance is small incremental acts of service and kindness, whereas i am a small surprises here and there and something grand on big occasions.
And we've argued about this a couple of times.
Anyways, we ended up breaking it off and i just feel terrible, cause when i spoke to her in person I was blunt, direct and told her i was upset with this whole IG, flower etc. situation, Her bday dinner was cancelled as it leading up to it. so was her gifts i planned with her friends. I still offered to buy them and told them, just don't say it's from me.
However, she is the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Now we are both stubborn AF. So we likely won't contact each other. I tried one last hail mary to fix this but the 1 hr conversation of her crying ended with her saying 'please, don't call me again'
I ended up speaking to one of her friends as she was helping me organise her birthday. I asked if she was done, and she said 'no, she's not' but she is trying to protect herself as she put so much hope in one person, but to be disappointed. She saw marriage etc…..' but you just couldn't match her love language. She's not done purely because of how good you were to her, but she needs constant words of affirmation and to know you love her too.
So I think this is the stem of the issue. I'm confused and lost for words. Do I even reach out to her again? Send her flowers?
I want to try salvage this, but i think it's too late. I gotta respect her final call