Women who view Marriage Negatively, why?

26 comments

1. Because research tells us women who are.married are.objectively less happy than their single counterparts.

2. All I needed to do was read good feminist theory prose and marriage as a whole institution sounded a lot like a slave-trap for women dressed up as something we should desperately want. I’m not saying I haven’t seen healthy happy marriages, but when that happiness runs it’s course it looks like hell. I also can’t help but keep thinking about how it sounds like a perfect microenvironment for ownership and abuse. Kim Kardashian is a wealthy woman with massive connections and even she had to beg a judge to declare her single after her marriage ended because her wonderful ex kept calling her “my wife” all over the media while bullying and harassing her and her new partner even after divorce was filed.

   The older I grow the more I appreciate living in sin with somebody’s son and getting tf out in peace when that man is not for me anymore without having to go through a weird ass legal system to drag things out.

3. My parents have been together over 40 years, happier than most and never married. Never saw it as important, even with 4 children and having been with my partner over 10 years I still don’t. Marriage changes nothing, except my name (if we go by traditions) so….meh. I don’t get it at all.

4. I wouldn’t say negatively entirely but personally I don’t know one married woman who’s life I want. I’ve seen good men do a complete 180 once they have you “trapped”. I work in the bar industry and the amount of married men that have hit on me is repulsive. It’s made me lose hope entirely for marriage.

5. Because my then husband became abusive once he had me trapped.

6. My current boyfriend is abusive and it’s been an absolute STRUGGLE to leave and I can’t even begin to fathom if we were married. Other than some financial benefits, it seems like a trap.

7. Was married and biggest regret of my life. As soon as we were married I was his property. Beaten and tortured, watched my pets be tortured and killed, barely escaped alive as he literally had a timer with less than an hour before his dad showed up and I managed to escape. Police wouldn’t do anything as well as neighbors because I was his property. This was in the US.

8. It just seems completely pointless. The only reason to do it is for the basically worthless tax breaks. Just another contract I don’t need in my life.

9. Because it’s a shitty deal. I really have yet to see a happy, fulfilling relationship/marriage within my scope. And maybe that’s my problem, but unless you can guarantee it’s going to end up like that, I have a really hard time feeling warm about the proposition.

10. Marriage shortens women’s lives and reduces our happiness levels. It’s a sacrifice for us to be married.

11. Historically marriage has just been a way to sell women. Married women are less happy and live shorter lives compared to single women, and the whole father giving the daughter away and her being expected to take their husbands last name is creepy af. (Which is optional now a-days but still creepy)

12. Well, I met a man who said he loved me, we discussed thoroughly our expectations, our values, our ambitions. We both wanted a partnership. After the wedding he changed. Then it turned out after 24 years that literally everything he told me was a lie and he had a whole secret life.

    So, while marriage may work for some I don’t think it’s for me. Before I met him I had no intention of marrying.

13. So I’m actually getting platonically married to my best friend, but I’m against the idea of marrying a romantic partner for me personally. Because I think it’s a bad idea to mix up important parts of your life like your living situation, finances, etc, with someone you’re sleeping with and have romantic feelings towards. Seems like a recipe for disaster. If that person was to cheat on me for example, my entire life would be upended and ruined all because of some dick Imao. Or simply because of person lost feelings or something. Best to not have that mess and go with what I know and can trust. Idk I’ve just seen way too much divorce in my life and my dad is a chronic cheater, so yeah. I’m making what I believe is the best decision for me.

14. Because I understand what I would lose once I gained a spouse. Statistically I would be far worse off in terms of health, wealth and happiness. Marriage disproportionately benefits men. While even a bad marriage benefits men, women’s health suffers a bigger impact than men’s.

    There’s also the fact that it’s just not important to me.

15. I was married for 20 years, living the whole small town life. In all that time, I never saw a heterosexual marriage that was equitable, literally not one. Even among well-matched couples that really loved each other. The emotional labor that women provide is undervalued and unappreciated.

    “He’s a great guy and I love him so much but….:he doesn’t remember the kids appointments/honor my parents/celebrate my birthday/ truly value my contributions/get up with the baby at night. But he’s really great!”

16. [deleted]

17. Because even the “woke” men are only feminist until it’s time to do the fucking dishes.

18. I don’t want to be legally bound to anyone.

19. Because it’s completely outdated.

    Marriage was to combine and strengthen estates and money. I have neither of those. Neither does my partner.

    Also, I think spending thousands of dollars on one day is a complete trap. I’d rather use that money on something worthwhile.

20. All the women I’m close enough to to get an insight into their relationship have been taken advantage of in one way or another. They all have less free time and fewer hobbies and friends than their husbands.

    It seems to me that women give their free time to their husbands. As someone who loves downtime that’s a no from me.

21. This question is being framed backwards. Single is the default state, so the burden of proof is on the other side of the equation. Without a compelling reason to support marriage, the status quo is to remain single.

    The research is pretty definitive. Unmarried and childfree women are the happiest demographic. My own lived experience certainly supports that research. I much prefer my single life to any time I’ve spent in a relationship.

    There is currently no cogent argument that can convince me that marriage, or a romantic relationship of any kind, would be in my best interests. Until such time as that evidence appears, I will continue with my happily carefree and independent existence.

22. I agree with a ton of the comments above. I work in a male dominated industry and seeing the way they talk shit about their wives disgusts me. I’ve seen a lot of divorce. I’ve been in long relationships that resulted in falling out of love, so ending up in a loveless marriage scares me. We continue to grow throughout our lives and experiences resulting in growing apart sometimes, so it’s easier to breakup than divorce. I don’t want kids so that’s not a factor.

    The only downfall is that my current partner is not in the US. If we ever wanted to live together, we’d have to uproot our lives and find a country where we aren’t required to married (visas, green cards) to live together.

23. It’s basically slavery with extra steps, where your husband gets to do whatever he wants to your finances, your body, your mind, and your life. And he gets to continue to abuse you and your children if you do leave him. I’m living it all right now in a blue state.
    I’ll never live with or marry a man again.

    If you’re going to do it, get a good career, get a side hustle going, build up your social circle, round out your mental health, and make a good life FIRST.
    Then if you meet a man and one of these areas starts to slip, you know he’s going to take value from your life, and you need to get rid of him asap.

24. The amount of stories I hear of women getting married to these amazing men only to find out during the marriage how horrible of a person they are. Nope, not taking my chances with that.

25. Because I’ve been married.

    It is my experience that men are all attention and love when they’re chasing you. Once they think they HAVE you, they lose interest.

    I stayed married for ten years because I was too damn stubborn to admit defeat. After two years –

    * I slept alone every night
    * I ate every meal alone
    * I had the longest dry spell in the bedroom I’d ever had since I reached adulthood
    * I felt like a “thing” and not a person
    * I completely lost my ability to focus because I rarely had two minutes alone. He’d CONSTANTLY interrupt my train of thought. To the point I once took a week to go sit on the beach and see if I missed him. I couldn’t do anything for more than five minutes before I’d stop and wait. It finally occurred to me that I was waiting to be interrupted. And he never talked TO me. He talked AT me.

    Yes, we talked about it. Or I talked. And he “listened”. And never heard a word I said. I was just something on his “life list” to be checked off. “Graduate? check. Start business? check. Get married? check. . .”

    Yes, being single I still sleep alone and eat alone. But I have **hope** of sharing my life with someone. Not just being supporting cast in someone else’s life story.

26. Married women die faster.

    To me marriage is just doing someone else’s laundry and cooking their meals and cleaning up after them.

    Married women still work as hard as I do at my job – except they also have to cook dinner and deal with a husband and possibly children.

    Except in very few cases, it seems marriage just sucks the life out of women but it’s presented as something we truly want. It benefits us the least.

    Even when women get sick. A study showed that many husbands would refuse to care for their sick wives. Marriage is caring for others while you waste away.

    And don’t even get me started about how men talk about their wives. Introducing the poor idiots to things like the simpsons and other popular tv shows. his wife just existing as some cute idiot who does his laundry (and pays half the bills…).

    And it’s even worse for the poor women who birth children and do a man’s laundry for 30 years and don’t even have the legal protection of marriage. You’re still doing all the emotional labor without the legal and financial protection. That’s not liberated, you got scammed, IMO.