When I first met my boyfriend he told me he had a porn addiction but he overcame it. We had great sex So I didn't think too much about it. Eventually he started having erectile dysfunction issues and I noticed and he basically revealed it's because of his porn addiction and that he will try to reign it back into control by completely stopping watching porn. Our sex life improved even better than it was from the beginning and we had amazing sex! I than came across some porn on our family computer. A lot of it.
I questioned if he ever actually stopped but he assured me it was only him watching porn once a week and that it's no big deal because he's able to perform. I agreed and stated that since he's able to perform once a week sounds reasonable. one day we had planned to have sex tomorrow and when I woke up on that day and couldn't find him in bed I went to the living room to find him jerking off to porn. I was upset because we planned on having sex that day but he would instead rather jerk off? I was crushed.
He apologized profusely and said it was a moment of weakness and we could still have sex. We did even though I didn't really want to I just wanted to see if there was a difference to the sex when he had just watched porn and there was. It definitely was lacking because of his inability to stay hard Consistently.
Afterwards I told him you definitely can't have sex while having just watched porn and he shouldn't do that. He agreed. This week we had planned a day to have sex but he told me he was too tired he said let's do it tomorrow and I will rock your world. I laughed and said okay. On the day we had sex he was "off". Erectile issues.
Barely made eye contact with me. I felt like I was being used as a sperm dumpster. I was so traumatized by the experience. I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me. He said he smoked some weed before sex and he knew I didn't like that but was hoping it wouldn't affect our sex. I ask did you watch porn he said yes four days ago I jerked to it but we agreed once a week was fine.
I was like did u watch porn before we had sex? He said no multiple times but I kept saying I didn't believe him then he started laughing and finally confessed to having watched porn before sex with me several times. I was so shocked and disgusted. He told me he watched porn to get more in the mood. I told him if he wasn't in the mood to have sex with me he just shouldn't have sex with me! He said he was in the mood it was just to make him perform better.
I told him I can't believe you watch porn everytime before having sex with me your obviously not attracted to me. He said no I'm very attracted to you it's not that. I got up and been crying in my room ever since. I can't believe he would watch porn before being intimate with me. I was okay with him watching porn but not before having sex with me and he knew that! I feel so hurt and betrayed. It's important for me to feel attractive and desired by my partner. This just feels like he's performing some type of obligation. My self esteem has severely tanked from this.