————————Context of Relationship————————
My girlfriend; lets call her M and I dated for a year and a half before breaking up and having a rollercoaster on and off relationship for an additional year +. The beginning of our relationship was a rocky rollercoaster that was heavily impacted by her previous relationship of 5+ years (a very toxic relationship that involved her ex cheating on her multiple times + possible physical abuse). She cheated on me with him physically very early on in the relationship (I did not find out until 6 months later, she had told me that she didnt think we'd work out, broke up with me, slept with him and then got back together with me days later). We went through a rough patch about a year in and she called her ex repeatedly begging him to work things out, etc (I found out through a DM from his current girlfriend). M begged for me to take her back which included calling me 90 times in two hours and messaging me on every possible app until I responded. The months that followed were full of manipulation, gaslighting, arguments and additional BS that led to the eventual breakup. Nonetheless, I still loved this girl with all my heart, we had shared some perfect memories together and had a special connection that I had never felt before. When we broke up, I was heartbroken.
2023 was rough between her and I and made little sense. On multiple occasions, she'd reach out and beg to see me…we'd spend several days together where she'd refer to me as her boyfriend, talk about our relationship, tell her friends we were back together and plan out the future together, talk about our kids and how badly she wanted to marry me, etc..only to ghost me several days later. I'd then hear from her 2-4 weeks later and the cycle would repeat itself. Each time, she'd refuse to explain what happened and would typically act like we hadn't stopped seeing each other in between each encounter. My gut feeling has always been that there were other guys in the picture but I never had any way to really confirm. I got attached to the memories we were making during all of this which made it even harder to let go. The end of '23 got even more confusing.
We went on a 4 day trip together and had an amazing time, only for her to ghost shortly after. A month later, we spent her Birthday together and the cycle repeated. In October, we got back together after a long discussion about us and how to finally make things work… we stayed together for close to a month (I even joined her on a trip; she's a flight attendant, and we had an amazing time together) just for her to ghost me shortly after the mentioned trip where I believe she cheated on me and broke up with me out of guilt. I scarcely heard from her during the Holidays but would receive drunk texts asking to see me and expressing how much she missed me.
In March of this year, we got back together and things were amazing…however, I was still very skeptical on whether or not she was going to stick around. I got drunk during the first week of us making things work and reached out to an old friend (who used to exchange pics with me while I was single)…I messaged her asking for her to send me something to which she responded she was talking to someone. That was the end of that and I woke up the next morning regretful of what I had done and vowed not to do it again. About 3 weeks in to working things out, M started to be distant over the week which raised red flags for me. We went out one night and I ended up passing out drunk on the couch while we watched TikToks…she scanned my face with my phone and snooped thru my DMs and found the messages with the girl. She broke up with me the next day, telling me how embarrased I should feel and to never contact her again. She broke the silence the following weekend asking to see me and the cycle started over again. She ghosted me several days later after we had promised each other to make things for real and I swore off never doing my mistake again. This cycle happened once again about two weeks later and she ended up pulling the same stunt and ghosted several days later without warning.
————————————Reconnecting and beginning of new relationship with her —————-
I swore off everything after that and promised myself that I wouldn't fall back into the trap. Two Sunday's ago, I went out with some friends for a quick drink and to watch a playoff hockey game. After aimlessly wandering around the outdoor patio (It's massive and always packed), I found my friends. A few minutes later, the waitress dropped off a shot and said someone had bought it for me. I was confused for several minutes until one of my friends noticed M sitting at a nearby table. This led to me buying M a shot and then her texting me and next thing I know she's going home with me. We had a very deep talk that night in which she reiterated that she kept running away due to her trust issues and a deep rooted fear that I would eventually find someone better than her and break her heart. She promised to stop running and mentioned going to therapy again in order to find the real reason behind her issues.
Things have been good ever since then and we've slowly been building on the relationship. When she's upset or annoyed or frustrated with anything in her life she lets me know and then takes a couple hours to herself and then re engages (something she struggled to do throughout our relationship), she finally seemed self aware and our communication rapidly improved. We started planning out the future again, discussing future trips, future plans and things we wanted to do with each other amongst other things and everything felt normal for once in a long time. This past Sunday we went out for the night (we hadn't seen each other in a few days) and she couldn't keep her hands off of me. We discussed plans for this Wednesday, I'd take off some work and that we'd go look at apartments for her (her lease is up at the end of the month) and do some shopping for a vacation she had planned among some other things. We also made plans to hang out last night and walk a nearby trail and then have dinner and then she'd spend the night.
——————————-The Current Issue ————————
She came over yesterday afternoon and everything was fine. We started our walk to the trail but realized a nearby bar was doing trivia night (something we've always loved to do together), I still wanted to the walk but told that if she wanted to do trivia night, that was fine. She got mad at me for not making a decision and told me "it's fine" wasn't an answer. We went back and forth on this and got into a dumb small argument over me not making a decision even though I kept telling her that we could do trivia and it was fine (i've been dealing with some family issues and had a long day at work so an argument was the last thing I wanted and she knew this). We get to trivia and settle down and have a great time. We have a few drinks and then headed to a nearby taco place for pitchers of margs and tacos. Everything seemed fine but we were clearly getting a bit drunk, we discuss my family issues and some other things and end up getting into another small argument over one of her friends who is an influencer (completely irrational debate and at this point I can tell M is getting drunk). The way the restaurant was set up, there was a table of two girls sitting directly in front of me, after M and I got into our dispute I zoned out to have a second to myself and was looking in the direction of the girls. They get up and leave and M snaps at me telling me that I checked the girls out 3 different times and that she wants to go home. I try to calm her down but she refuses to talk to me and claims that I just keep staring at other women (this is not true and she always has my full attention whenever we are together). The conversation led to her once again bringing up the instagram DMs from two months ago and then reiterating that she wants to go home.
We walk back to my place and I try to calm her down once again, reiterating how she's the love of my life, the only girl I want and apologizing if I made her feel like I was looking at other women. She was having no part of this and told me that I had already told her that at the restaurant and she didn't want to hear it. We get back to my place and put on GoT and its clear that she doesn't want to be there. I tell her that we should just go to bed, sleep off the alcohol and wake up tomorrow and start a new day.. she tells me that she now wants to do all of our plans alone (on Wednesday; today) and wants to leave. She ended up leaving and told me she'd call me tomorrow. I have not heard from her today and I don't know what to do.
—————————– Conclusion ——————————
I love M… she's the love of my life despite all of the shit that we've been through. She claims I'm her best friend and the love of her life but will completely disappear on me during things like this and won't respond or even acknowledge texts from me. I have not tried to get ahold of her but I'm hurting inside… I make one mistake and now she holds it over my head as if it's the worst thing ever, despite her cheating on me twice during our relationship and treating me like trash in the year following our initial break up. I want to make things work but I feel like I'm at my wits end… she also recently started a new birth control and has been having crazy mood swings from it (something she has acknowledged). I'm having a hard time not beating myself up over this because I feel like I did something wrong… she tends to not be self aware and is not a forgiving person nor does she apologize when she's in the wrong… I don't want to lose my best friend but after everything we've been through, I'm not really sure what to do anymore…Reddit, what do I do?
TDLR: Girlfriend and I got back together after a rocky year following our initial breakup, we went out to dinner last night and she accused me of checking out another woman and is no longer talking to me.