Im 18 F and my girlfriend is also 18 F. We have been in a relationship for 5 months. Recently there has been a lot of change going on in my life and a lot of stress. The past few days have been the worst for me. I struggle with a lot of mental health issues and I am working through them with a professional.
Last night may have been one of our worst fights. It started off with me being dry toward her. (We are long distance so texting and calling is how we communicate). I spent hours painting all day and was tired and she had just gotten home from work. I got news that my dog (that unfortunately we have only had for a few months) needs to be put down. This of course was really challenging to hear.
She asks what is wrong and why I am being dry and I insist nothing is wrong. I simply didn't want to discuss it or worry her. I had been complaining about all my stress and felt like a burden. I don't believe she should have to hear about all of this because it's pretty overwhelming. She insisted something was wrong and asked me to tell her. This began our fight.
I don't remember all of the details, however I do know that she said I didn't have to tell her. But I felt as though I owed it to her since she knew everything else.
She responded saying it is for the best (as the dog was aggressive and had hurt me many times). This broke me because the dog had sweet moments and I didn't want to be met with honesty. Our argument then became more heated as this increased my anger and sadness.
I then began to say extremely hurtful things. Among them I begged her to leave me to save herself. I don't want to break up and neither does she. I felt like a monster and like I was going to break her. She gave me an out to end the conversation but I was so angry from everything recently that I kept going.
I started making less sense and even I didn't understand what I was saying. I felt like pushing her away was the best option. Eventually the argument ended and we went to sleep.
I woke up the next morning and had almost entirely forgotten about the fight. I don't remember exactly what I said or how I felt. It's like it never happened. Yet she is still extremely upset with me. Ive apologized and tried to offer her explanations, but I don't understand it myself. I really love and care about her. I don't know what I'd do without her. She is the best thing to have ever happened to me. I have hurt her and I can't take it back. What should I do?
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I (both 18 F) had a pretty bad argument. I have had lots of stressful events (i.e. putting my dog down) which in turn caused me to become pretty emotional. The argument could've ended but I kept pushing it even though what I was saying didn't make sense. I hurt her really badly from all of this and I don't know how to fix the situation. She is being pretty dry. What should I do?