My nephew(16M) is lying about getting his friend pregnant and throwing away his own future

29 comments

1. You tell his parents, he’s too young too understand the consequences of his actions in this regard right now. His parents should’ve been considering a paternity test anyways.

2. Encourage him to tell the truth

3. You left off a pretty big detail. How does he know the baby isn’t his? Did he tell you the 2 of them never had sex? Is this believable? Also, why would he make a choice like this?

   Overall, you need to teach him that some secrets are not to be kept, and that you have no choice but to tell his parents asap. Tell him you understand he’s angry, and you’ll answer as many questions as he asks, but he will thank you some day. You also need to make it clear your sib (his mom or dad) will be furious with you if you say nothing and the truth comes out. (It will, it always does).

   Heck, part of me wonders if he told you half hoping you’d do this.

4. tell the parents. M is a child, he will undoubtedly grow out of this weird phase of thinking parenthood is worth more than pursuing his own life- for a baby that isn’t even his no less. there’s no way he has enough funds to raise this child with just his college money, he’ll have to be financially dependent on his parents for years, and i seriously doubt his parents would want to spend a dime on another persons grandchild. tell M that if he wants to be an adult and raise a child so bad, being deceitful to his parents is a really immature start. It shows he’s not ready

   maybe talk to M about why the real baby daddy can’t just own up to the consequences of his actions. try to explain to him that raising a child isn’t something to “play house” about. it’s a really big deal. it’s sad but true that lots of young people are rushing into parenthood without even seeming to comprehend the huge responsibility and pressure it takes to raise a child properly without seriously fucking them up. immature parents raise immature kids, and the cycle continues and only gets worse.

5. You need to tell his parents. He is a child who isn’t thinking rationally and it’s to the point that this will affect his life very very negatively if you don’t. Don’t wait for him to tell them. This needs to happen before she is any farther along and he’s God forbid on that birth certificate. His parents need to demand a paternity test and make it clear they are not helping. He needs a wake up call or he will be on the hook financially for this child for 18+ years. He will regret it and resent his friend once he matures and realizes the mess he allowed himself to be roped into.

6. Your nephew doesn’t know his asshole from a hole in the ground. Rat him out.

   He has overly romanticized this act of selflessness and has no understanding of the true consequences of this decision.

   He is a minor and isn’t fully cooked yet. He has no life experience and is viewing the world through his limited perspective. This where the adults in his life step in and protect him for himself.

7. I have tons of questions but my main one is… Why is he protecting her by saying the baby is his? Why is she afraid to say who the real father is? Where is the real father and does he know?

   Edit: I saw the comment about the real father chicken out. My new question is does he love her and are they together? Does he want to step up as a step dad at this age?

8. You need to tell his parents quickly before the girl gives birth and he sign the birth certificate

9. Pre edit….don’t tell them out right. More.kike, “Hey I heard thru the grap vine that the child isn’t his”. Or ask someone too send them a message, etc.

   Post edit. Most states have a 6mo to 2yr time line after birth to fight paternity. So if he signs it and doesn’t back out within that time he is the legal father.

   Did you even think to ask why he is doing this tho?

10. You can drop an anonymous note to his parents, secrets like this don’t stay quiet for long. Blood tests would prove he is not the father.
    In the long term, as you wrote this will seriously impact his future. As she is going to need a lot of money for the next twenty years, is he going to pay child support for the child? Is he really going to marry this girl and have a happy marriage? What if he does meet Miss Right and she hears he has a child with another woman, she may say “no thanks “. He may think he is doing something heroic but he really isn’t.

    The fact that he told you the truth shows that the pressure is getting to him. He really wants the truth to come out and then he can really do the right thing for himself.

11. > This may be the stupidest question on my part but I honestly don’t know … if you aren’t the biological father and you sign the birth certificate … but in future you can prove easily via paternity test you aren’t the biological father are you still held accountable and made to pay child support??

    YES!

    He will be responsible for ever.

    He is throwing away his future.

    I also have to say that the jokes about the “cute love story” were cringe. I get they are normal, but now he feels like this is the right thing to do! Adults have to behave better instead of putting ideas into kids about how it would be a cute love story.

    I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and see if you can get sense into him before going to his parents. Also, his parents can pay for a DNA test. It costs 800-1,000 dollars and it’s a simple blood test for the mom; it’s not an amnio anymore.

12. Based on your edit:

    Only thing the state cares about is not taking care of the child. They’ll take whoever signs the certificate. Unless of father steps up and goes to court (fat chance)

13. Tell his parents NOW! He’s gonna be stuck paying child support for 18 years and friendships change, Maybe in 2 years they won’t even be friends anymore. That’s just stupid.

14. The child needs considering here as well, they need to know who their parents are, what medical details might be needed. This child has grandparents and family potentially that will one day find out that they have missed out on this child’s life. To make that choice for a child to lie to them about their parents and it will get found out could cause serious mental harm.

    Secrets will always come out in the end and cause more problems. Explain that this is lying and that the consequences are much more than he can predict. He can be supportive and choose whatever life he wants but the child needs to know who its biological parents are and will one day find out the truth.

15. Yeah, you have to tell his parents. He doesn’t realize what he’s getting into. He can still be her friend and support her however he wants, but a baby is for life. And a HUGE responsibility.

    And if he’s truly not in love with her, how does he think this will impact his future relationships?

16. Why are you even asking this question? He is a minor child. You must tell his parents. Immediately. Furthermore, “chickened out and broke up with her” is not an excuse for baby’s daddy to just walk away. His parents and her parents should all be informed as to what is going on! Yesterday.

    You are the adult in this situation. Act like one.

17. You have to tell his parents! He’s a teenager, he doesn’t know what’s best for his future!

18. Regardless what you do, he will hate you.

    If you tell his parents, he will hate you now. But might see reason after some time.

    If you don’t tell his parents, he will hate you cause you didn’t stop him. He is not mature or experienced enough to see all the possible consequences this might have. He might resent you for that.

    So. One of you needs to be mature and make a tough decision. (You, you’re the one!)

19. Tell his parents asap!!!

    DNA the kid.

    If in some years he still wants to raise the kid then he will be an adult and decide for himself. Now he is a VERY imature teen who seems to be in love with someone who doesnt loe him.

20. There is not doubt in my mind you should tell his parents. At sixteen years old this kid is about to make a ridiculously life altering decision and some adult guidance/intervention is necessary

21. TELL HIS PARENTS AND DONT LET HIM SIGN THAT BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!!

22. Why doesn’t C want to hold the real father accountable? He should pay child support and have an option to get to know his child.

    M can still support C to whatever extent he wants without living a lie.

23. He’s 16. He’s going to you to help him out because he’s too young and too scared to stand up for himself. If he wanted to go through with this, he would never have told you. So call a meeting with everybody and tell the truth. Light is the best disinfectant.

24. Please tell his parents. This is a kid trying to do what he feels is right by a close friend but he has no idea, heck adults pre baby have no idea, how this will effect his future. He can still be there in whatever way she and he agree upon but he should not sign that birth certificate if he’s not the dad

25. Tell his parents. My husband stupidly (he admits now) did this as a teenager. Husband’s mother went for custody because the girl lived in a household full of drug addicts who were physically abusive, and the girl’s parents in turn demanded a paternity test. It wasn’t his child, and he had never slept with the girl; they were just friends.

    He realizes now how far-reaching the consequences of that decision would have been, but he was young and believed he was being noble at the time.

    You need to tell his parents. He’s a minor and too young to take on this responsibility.

26. His parents absolutely need to know, and HER parents need to pay back every cent he spent.

27. Dude. Save him even if it makes him hate you. You will take his hate knowing the day will come when he understands and thanks you!

28. Ideally, you want to do both.

    You don’t want to break the boy’s trust in you, in case he makes a bigger blunder later without anyone knowing. And the parents must know about this.

    There are 3 steps:

    1) Tell M to reconsider his future. If he saves his money now he can make much more money in the future to support C and her son.

    2) Try not to tell him to ‘be selfish’. Considering the situation, it’s likely that they have a strong platonic bond. Reassure that C can get support from M and his family even without him as the father. He can even adopt the son in the future with C’s permission.

    3) Encourage M to tell his parents the truth. If that doesn’t work, hint at the parents to do a paternity test. If everything fails, then you tell the truth.

29. He can still be there for her as a friend and be supportive but he shouldn’t throw his future and his life away to protect a friend who made a mistake. You absolutely have to tell his parents and insist they get a paternity test. He might be mad at all of you now but in 5-10 years he’s going to be grateful that you didn’t let him make this mistake. Don’t let him be a martyr for his best friend/ and if she’s a good friend then she will understand she can’t put him in this position.