Apologies in advance because English isn't my first language.
I have a friend, "Mary" for several years. She has some mental problems due to a neglectful childhood, so I always try to be very understanding with Mary. (I've mine problems too, and I'm not a patient person, so I make an effort with her) Now her situation is worse, since she became pregnant by her abusive ex. She is about 12 weeks now.
The other day Mary came home to spend some time with me and my dd1, and very randomly said to my daughter that if she had a boy,she wouldn't like her to be her girlfriend because she would be older than her son. But she had no problem if they wanted to F***.
Yes, she said this. I asked her, quite surprised, how could she make that joke? Mary remained silent, so I understood that it was just a bad joke that she felt embarrassed by. I didn't give it any more importance. After a while, my daughter grabbed Mary's phone from the table and she reproached her for touching her phone, since she was probably going to look at porn sites.(WTF??) At that moment I asked her again why she said that and she changed the subject. I didn't say anything else because I was so pissed and I didn't want to make a scene in front of my daughter (I knew we probably gonna had a warm argument) So I prefer say nothing and that made me feel bad, since my personality is not exactly one of keeping quiet. I don't mind doing the scene if necessary, but with this friend I tend to be careful, and at that moment I didn't know if it was one of my exaggerations so I waited to calm down and also asked my partner what he thought about this. He said it was kind of disgusting, that he would have reacted very badly if he was present, but I should talk to her first and wait to see her reaction.
The next day I sent a voice note to Mary explaining that this couldn't happen again, that I felt terrible about her comments. She responded by apologizing and assuring me that nothing like that would happen again (everything was great) but then she tried to justify that my daughter was only one year old, so she didn't understand anything, although she understands my bad reaction. (Wtf again) I told her that my reaction had been quite passive, that other parents would have taken it worse, and if that comment was made by one of my partner's male friends, we would have assumed the worst and kicked his butt. So the point was not whether my daughter understood the message, but rather, what did Mary have in her head to make those jokes? I also told her that I was reconsidering my friendship because of this. She stopped responding, and the next day she sent a message saying that she felt horrible, like a pedophile because of me, that she didn't meant with a dark intention, that it was just a joke and that she was very sorry. And she's feeling repulsive and things like that. Everything with too much drama, but I understand that pregnancy hormones don't help.
She has so many problems and conflicts with everyone, so my situation with her has already limits. She knows this and is always understanding about why I get involved with her just enough. (She attends therapy and does her best to move forward) So I can't set many more limits now than to break the friendship.
Tl;dr: My friend makes random dirty jokes in front of my baby and I'm not sure if I want to continue with this friendship.
Thanks for reading