My fiance is very lean. I am trying to convice him everyday to hit the gym but he's mad at me for annoying him with the same request.
He's never been into hardcore gyming. But somehow he did a lil in his college days for about an year. And also in 2019 till Covid19 hit on 2020. And he looked really good.
After that he isn't willing to do it again. I kept convincing him since 2022 but he kept saying he'd do home workouts. But I clearly see it ain't working. He's not disciplined enough to do daily workouts at home. He'd rather play some sports like football or volleyball, which is a good activity for the heart. But it won't build him muscle.
He's too lean. I really would like him to build some muscle so that the clothes he wear fit him better. He's 5.11 and the shirts he wears fit him very loose. He wears L-size for all of his clothes because of his height, but it really looks like its on a cloth-hanger.
Makes me feel like he got a teenager boy's body. I just want him to look good. I know he can cos he did it already before.
Am I being narcissistic or selfish? How can I convince him?
P.S. – I am not body shaming. I love my guy. And I just want to be more attracted to him so that we have a healthy sex life. We shouldn't be complacent. In reverse, I know he'd ask me to lose weight if I gain weight. Building a little muscle helps our bodies in a lot of ways. So just trying to put my point here.
31 comments
Yeah you’re being narcissistic and selfish.
99% of the time if men are like “please just don’t be *too* fat,” Reddit marshals herds of malcontent feminists to excoriate you for your thought crime.
So this guy is already not fat, and you’re grass is greener bullshit has gotten to the point of “hmmmm maybe he needs to target his traps more”
Like just go to askwomen and troll *them* with your skewed role reversal prompts
Are you being narcissistic and selfish for wanting him to get into the gym to look better for you? Um, yeah you are. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he was pushing you to lose weight and get into the gym cuz he wanted you “to look better”.
Erm… when you go for looks you gonna have a baaad time!
I’m 6’1 and still wear medium clothes half the time, you’d be better off finding him better fitting clothes/sizes than trying to force him to do shit he doesn’t want to do. Would you like it if you were constantly pressed into doing stuff you are not keen on?
Yeah you’re being narcissistic and selfish. He’s playing sports, he’s clearly taking care of himself and being active, so it’s nothing to do with discipline or motivation. He just doesn’t want to do what you want him to. Stop trying to control him.
Try to go to the gym with him.
But ultimately you can’t force people to change, to workout or lose weight.
I’ll give you the same advice I’d give a man who is in a relationship with a woman that gained weight.
If its a big issue for you and they won’t fix it, end the relationship and find someone that makes you happy
Let the boy be lean
that’s not convincing that’s manipulation. if he doesn’t want to do it he doesn’t want to do it. if he doesn’t want to do it to your exacting standards then he doesn’t want to do it that way. And if you only want him to do it for reasons you want him to do it for because you think those things are reasons he should be doing it… again… that is manipulation. And, well, I don’t help people manipulate others.
You have asked him. He doesn’t want to. You can try offering a deal where you do something that he would like you to do but you don’t want to. Besides that I don’t see why he should be forced to go to the gym
YTA. I know this is not the AITA but you’re acting like one.
yep, that is quite a selfish reason. He doesn’t like working out in the gym
You can’t force someone to work out, unless he’s intrinsically motivated he won’t keep it up anyways. Going to the gym is one of the most braindead and soul sucking experiences I’ve had in my entire life and I’ve done it for 2.5 years as well. Now I go swimming and running instead, which suits me much better.
If your fiance doesn’t want to go to the gym, but play actual sports instead to keep himself healthy. Let him. He shouldn’t change his body for anyone but himself, he’s not your object to lustfully gaze over.
Imagine if this was reversed and a man was telling a women to change her body shape and she was slim.
>How do I 30F convince my fiance 32M to hit the gym?
>
He’s never been into hardcore gyming
Never before has the “I can fix him” mentality been present than with you. Good guy, treats you well, stays in shape, but at 30, you’re being picky about something girls in their sophomore year in high school would care about at the lunchroom table.
Please break up with this man so he can find someone who looks up to him
I say this as nicely, but not as nicely as I possibly can but fuck off. The man doesn’t want to go to the gym so leave him alone.
You’ve been bugging him for 2 years to go just because you want him to look better. Accept him as he is and let the man live his fucking life or leave him and find someone muscular.
Please show him this post, so he knows to dump you and find someone who is actually worth his time.
You are INDEED being a narcissist
You sound awful. Seriously. Someone needs to tell him whats going on.
This poor guy.
And the screeching we’d hear if roles were reversed.
I’d say you’re pretty selfish for pushing it on him if it’s purely for aesthetics.
The sheer amount of work, effort and proper dieting is huge to get this body you want him to have. Just going to the gym isn’t as easy as you think it is for men especially as we get older and have less spare time. There’s a lot of pain and exhaustion involved.
Then consider that maintenance is required so it’s a long term commitment.
For someone to commit the time and effort, there has to be an internal desire to go. No amount of nagging will work.
If he’s doing other types of physical activity to be healthy, leave him alone. Did you ever think that maybe he likes being thin and likes his body the way it is? It can be hard for naturally thin men to put on a lot of noticeable muscle.
You don’t.
Quit body-shaming the man you agreed to marry. Instead of being critical you should be thankful for the fact that he is lean and participate in physical activities.
Maybe just respect that fact that he has autonomy over his own body. As long as he’s healthy and happy, leave the man alone.
You should apply your own discipline to respecting the choices of others and stop trying to force him to do something so that he looks acceptable to your standards in your totally original, never been done before, ground breaking exercise photos on social media.
This is some selfish, shallow shite and you need to have a day off, because you sound like a headache.
wait hold up? women said they go for personality not looks?
I mean you have every right to ask him to hit the gym, and he has every right to refuse. Being pushy after he rejects it is shitty of you tho, and if his current body bothers you that much, let him know so he can decide if he wants to stay with you (and you decide if you can still be a good partner to him even if he doesn’t hit the gym. If the answer is no, breakup is the right thing to do).
You don’t. Accept him as he is, or leave him and let him find someone who isn’t trying to change him into something he is not.
This isn’t it OP, it’s not like your fiance is obese and severely requires weight loss. In the end it’s his choice. Don’t try to change him according to what you want. It could backfire.
Yes, you’re being selfish. And bitchy. You need to stop harassing your fiance to go to the gym. Just stop it. Now.
You accepted this guy. You’ve agreed to marry him. You need to accept him exactly as he is, right now. If you cannot do that, cut him loose and break your engagement so he can find someone who won’t abuse and harass him like you’re doing.
What you’re doing is abusive. It’s verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. You need to stop this. You are destroying him and your relationship.
Stop. Now.
If he’s not over weight or at a weight/physique that is implicating his health then you need to stfu.
If you don’t find him attractive, leave. Surely in your 30s this stuff wouldn’t be as important. I’m slightly younger and my love for my girlfriend isn’t conditional, therefore if she’s in shape, if she’s put on weight, if she has an eating disorder, if she ends up a cripple – I love her endlessly. It seems your love for your boyfriend is conditional.
Once you really love someone stuff like this becomes trivial.
YTA. I feel bad for your fiancé.
May his feet soon feel the chills of a thousand arctic winters, with no amount of socks able to warm them enough to commit to your upcoming marriage.