I’m a 37 year old woman who was assigned male at birth, who transitioned 4 years ago, who underwent the necessary Hormone Replacement Therapy, Gender Reassignment Surgery, update of legal documents. The whole nine yards.
I pass well and blend in as just another female in society ( people don’t realise I’m trans when interacting with me ), due to favorable genetics. However, every time I disclose my past to a man of my age who was interested in me before knowing this about me, their interest falls away immediately and I’m friendzoned. This person is interested in me before knowing this, is all over me and then suddenly loses all interest as soon as I disclose.
It’s difficult for me to grasp. I look like a woman, feel like a woman, have the body parts one would expect on a woman (except uterus and ovaries) and get turned down solely based on my past.
I understand that everyone has their own morals, values and thoughts but I thought we as a society had evolved enough for people to understand that gender dysphoria is a medical condition and that once someone has gone through all necessary medical corrections, said person is now a member of the identified sex for all intents and purposes except procreation.
If these were men who absolutely wanted their own kids, I would understand, but most of them have kids and aren’t looking to add more kids.
I’m turned down solely on the basis of my medical history.
Not on my looks or my character because they liked those. It’s purely that one word that turns them off : “trans”.
This leaves me with the question if there are any well-adjusted cis hetero men of my age out there who are open to dating a post-op trans woman who passes?
I retain the interest of younger cis hetero men , even after telling them about my past, but I almost instantly lose the interest of men who are 30+ upon hearing about my past.
Am I doomed to date younger cis het men or are there men around my age out there who are open-minded enough to consider dating a fully transitioned trans woman?
I’m a bit surprised that something is not even visible anymore still works against me ( let’s be honest, you don’t see other people’s chromosomes).
If so, where to meet those? And I mean men who are not having a fetish for trans women. I mean just regular straight men who are open-minded enough to recognise that trans women are women and would treat her like any other woman when on a date. Where to find those?
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Samantha.
UK.
6 comments
I cant suggest anything to you because i am still 22 and have zero experience but yeah I feel sad for you. I respect every gender.
I’m 35 from the US. I have a different medical condition then you, but I think that people have reservations based upon people who are “different” I’ll never know the truth, but I know a number of women have decided not to date me due to my condition and the fact that I don’t want children.
I also think it’s a generational thing sadly. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but maybe being a cougar isn’t at all a bad thing? 🙂
Your in the age where many guys would potentially consider having children naturally. And this doesn’t change.
Them not wanting more children now doesn’t mean they don’t potentially want more in the future with the right people.
Going after people is a very complex psychobiological thing. Physical and mental aspects come into play.
The reality is a vast majority of men/male(genetics and what not) won’t be psycho biologically attracted to you.
Genetically the sexes have a preference physically. The mental aspect means you’d very likely be left with no considered either non binary or a few bisexual men from that category.
It’s not about being “well adjusted” people like who we do and the biological link is very very powerful and ingrained in our genes.
Not everyone is attracted to everyone and that doesn’t mean they aren’t well adjusted, rude sexist etc. everyone has a right to like people but no one has to like you back
Your best bet is to go after those who classify as non binary because by that definition they have less sexual attraction and focus more on the mental aspect of a relationship.
You can’t make anyone like what they don’t like, you can only work within the bounds of what’s there. Be open and honest and go from there
Are you doing OLD? Could you use filters to seek AFAB men your age? That would narrow the field of matches considerably but at least you’d avoid ppl who are prejudiced.
I’m sorry to tell you this, but everyone have deal beakers. Dating is hard for everyone. If dating was ever easy we won’t have people on here thinking they are ugly. Clearly your history is more than what most men can handle.