I (19F) broke up with him (22M) four days ago, after a one year relationship, because I was fed up with the relationship and we had some major incompatibilities.
He didn’t respect my decision and kept trying to win me back. I tried going on Tinder and meet some other guys, so that he would finally understand that I’m over him for good, and he still didn’t understand.
Yesterday, I had to get a few things from his place that I forgot, I wanted to go away immediately, but unfortunately I was stuck there because he made me late to get the last train to my city, so I stayed over.
We talked all night, I made it clear that I wanted to break up, then he called his friend at 4 AM to tell him about the break up and to ask him how to get over me. He speaks Hindi and English with his friend, and I caught a whole English sentence from him (he did it on purpose): “I’ve gone for drinks with girls who hit on me in the library when I was with her”
I was furious, I asked him to explain but he said he wouldn’t because I don’t deserve an explanation. I was really angry, so I said something along the lines of “I can’t believe I got cheated on by a guy like you, besides which girl would hit on you” suggesting he’s ugly.
So he starts to shower me in insults, saying I’m ugly, he never found me attractive, I am boring because I read shitty books and my only personality trait is being depressed and talking about how my mum abused me. That’s why I have no friends.
I was so angry that I turned around and pushed him in the bed and started to hit him. I regret it now and I know it was wrong, but I was blinded by rage.
He started hitting me back and calling me a wh-re. He slapped me in the face multiple times, so of course I hit back as hard as I could. He tried to prevent me from going home now that it was 5 AM and the train was there, so I had to call my parents, who threatened him. He finally let me go.
I want to learn how to never repeat this again. I recognize I am in the wrong, but I don’t know how to manage my anger. I grew up with a physically abusive mother who would hit me any time she got angry.
Also, I don’t know how to recover from all the insults he screamed at me. Those were the most hurtful, not the punches.
I wanted the relationship to end smoothly, without too much drama, but it ended like this.
TL;DR: I hit my ex boyfriend because he insulted me, he hit me back, I want to learn to not make this happen again.
7 comments
Sounds like you both need therapy but you can only control your actions. I highly suggest seeking someone to talk to about these anger issues and how to better manage them so you don’t do this again.
You should look into therapy. Look for a therapist who is willing to work on teaching emotional regulation skills. You also might benefit from a podcast I have listened to. It’s free and you can find it by doing a web search for bay area dbt podcast.
Emotional regulation skills are skills that can be taught, learned, and improved with practice. So, you can change.
That ship has sailed, unfortunately. Y’all both behaved in very toxic ways and you both said very hurtful things to one another. Never put yourself in a position where you have no way out again. You need to block this guy and never speak to him again. He should do the same towards you. I suggest finding a therapist who specializes in anger management to help you learn some decompression techniques for when you feel your anger rising. This isn’t the last time you’ll be angry in life. It isn’t the last time you’ll be insulted either. Defending yourself from harm is one thing but starting the punching and hitting is entirely different. Get some help to learn how to not get to the point where you actually hit someone because of their words.
So there is a lot to unpack there but I think the simplest suggestion would be to either forget the stuff and don’t deal with him or ask a friend to either get the stuff for you or go with you. If you feel like the situation would go south you can always call the police to escort you to get your stuff.
As for the insults: I would just realize that one minute before he hurled those insults he was begging you to take him back so clearly he was just saying that shit out of anger. So don’t give that ass clown one more minute of rent in your mind.
Own that you put yourself in that position. You couldve gone to his house with your parents or a friend. Going completely alone was not wise. Also you didnt need to stay over. You arent with him anymore, you two arent friends. Why would you agree to go over there when you have no way of getting back home if something went wrong. The hitting and other stuff goes without saying. As a young woman you have to be more mindful of not putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations.
Well first you need to really believe that he’s your ex-boyfriend because you already broke up with him.
So for example your title is no longer that you hit your boyfriend but that you hit your ex boyfriend.
And then because some ex-boyfriends are mean and toxic then only see them and interact with them if you have to and with some other person nearb
Do not get in the habit of going to see your toxic EX by yourself
And if you don’t have your own car but depend on public transportation then leave and get out with plenty of time to get to that public transportation
You sound like a toxic maniac. Went on tinder to run salt in his wounds. Didn’t like it when you were on the other end of that. Started insulting him. Again couldn’t handle when it went in your direction. Then you decided to hit him. Hell be happy to be rid of you.