Dont judge my English, I am still learning.
So we were together for like 1 year. It was his first relationship so he didnt have past experiences related to relationships. It took a lof of time to get together, but I (F/26) really liked him and I said that I will be super patient, because everything went really well. I had more relationship before him, but I said that this time I really want to work on it and to do my best to make it work.
Situation 1
So we got together and I observed that he follows a lot of plastic super models, pornstars on his social accounts, even if we were together for like 2 or 3 months. We used to go to the gym and I saw on him that he always looks at the girls, but you know, not for like 1 second, but he was staring at them for a long time. We went out for a walk and I observed that hes staring at the other girls, and I know that this should be normal, but it was weird because he did long eye contacts with them.
A felt really bad about this, and I said okay, its time to talk about this with him, because I started to feel that I dont want to go with him to the gym, to the street actually anywhere, but I really wanted to make this work. So I said that its kinda strange for me that he follows nude contents and pornstars, etc on social media on his accouns, and the answer was that he doesnt like those girls, and he was young and he didnt had a girl before me, so this was kinda a solution for his sexual deficienses?!
I said okay, we can work on this, I will work more on my confidence, probably the problem is with me. After that I got him that hes watching on Twitch girls in live in a bra and panties, and for me this stuff is different than porn. He can talk to those girls, he can message those girls, its not like when you go to Pornhub and watch porn and thats it. So I wanted to talk with him about this again but it was really embarassing for me.
I said okay, again I will work on myself, on my confidence and I started to do this with all of my effort. I went to the gym, diets. Im not that skinny how would I like to be, but actually I love myself. After some time he confessed that he often watching content like this, but the truth about it for me it was that he wasnt honest with me, even if I asked him a lot of times about this.
Situation 2
I work in digital marketing and networking is actually in my daily routine. I had a 4 day conference where I needed to go with my coworker (M/35) and his friend (M/36). He said okay there is no problem, I need to work a lot with this coworker, we are leaders in our office. And I wanted to go really bad to this conference because I want and I love to learn new things.
In the first night we had a networking party, where we went there and I had 40 minutes in which I didnt answer my boyfirend, oh well, my ex and he started to fight with my about it. I think its normal that if you go out somewhere you are not staying always on your phone, even tho I messaged him like in every 5 minutes. I felt really bad about this situation, and I was asking for apologize, he was kinda passive aggressive with me, and all of my 4 days was about thinking about him and about me, who is wrong in this situation. At this level I felt, that okay, I guess I dont want to continue this relationship, even if I always wanted to make this work and I loved him.
So I came home, and we started to talk about what happened. We had a really long conversation till he confessed that he read my messages while I was working in the office, he checked my messenger chats and he found a conversation about this coworker with my bestie. The conversation was about that me and him will go to this conference and how intelligent is him. Nothing more, I have never looked at someone like that, I loved only my boyfriend.
Whatever, so actually nothing what could lead him to be jealous, and I have never gave him signs for this.
And he said he read something on my whatsapp, but actually I found out that it was on my messenger, so I asked him that: How many times did you check my messages? He said 1 time. We had again a really long talk and he confessed that he checked my messages a lot of times, like since December, and my history also, but my history just because he wanted to see my porn history, and he wanted to know what I like in the bedroom.
Well, I am really really confused and I think that Im hopeless and lost. I felt that he lied to me again. I really loved him, he always was there when I needed him, but these things are going on my mind since 2 days, and I would like to have some advice or opinion about this from you. Should I get back together with him or let him go?
TL;DR; : Several trust issues with my boyfriend and Im really dissapointed. I love him, but I dont know if my decision for breakup was right or a mistake, and we could work on it together?